Permanent [H.S. || A.U.] - Book 2 - ON HOLD

Chapter 16

I wonder why I tear myself down
To be built back up again
Oh I hope some how I wake up young again
All that's left of myself
Holes in my false confidence
And now I lay myself down
And hope I wake up young again

I took a long lunch today so that I could go to my mental health evaluation appointment.

Grayson offered to go with me. And, as much as I wanted to take her up on that offer, this was something that I knew I needed to do myself. I wanted to prove to myself that I was strong enough to do this, to go alone and get help.

My leg was bouncing like crazy the entire time I was sitting in the waiting room. I was so fucking nervous and anxious.

But after it was over, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

The doctor referred me to a therapist to try in a few weeks and also wrote me a prescription to start me on a low dose of anxiety medication to see how I react to it.

I've tried going to therapy in the past. But the whole process is so exhausting. It can take a really long time for you to find someone that you mesh well with. Then it takes an even longer time to gain the strength to open up to them. I'm determined to put my all into it this time, though.

The therapist will hopefully help with my body dysmorphia and overall lack of self confidence. Therapy should also help me work through all that went down with Lindsey.

Speaking of all that went down with Lindsey, I have already been trying to navigate my feelings about that on my own time.

I told Grayson what happened with Lindsey a long time ago. But I want to try talking to her about it again. I love Grayson and I trust her. I feel like opening up to her and talking freely about what I went through will be good practice for therapy.

With my prescription filled and my therapy appointment scheduled, I feel pretty good. I feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm on track to be the best version of myself.

I have a great family. I have a good job. I have awesome friends. I have an amazing girlfriend. And I am healing.

The rest of the work day went by pretty smoothly. I had a little extra pep in my step because I'm proud of myself.

Grayson came to my office to ask me about how the appointment went. But I just told her we would talk about it tonight. I had work to do for my Tesla presentation anyway.

After work we decided that we would be spending the night at my flat. We stopped at the grocery on the way to pick up some things for dinner.

Grayson said she was in the mood for pasta. So pasta is what we made when we got to my place. She boiled the noodles while I prepared the sauce and toasted some garlic bread for a side dish.