Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

19: oh(no) baby

CATALINA

It started off like every one of my mornings. I woke up before everyone else, touched Ashton's face in endearment as I admired his sleeping self, and went to pick out my children's clothes for the day. Then, things took an abnormal twist. I remembered that I left my phone with my alarms in the room, so I turned back down the hallway and strolled toward my bedroom.

and unlike any other morning where I would make some trivial mistake that would result in me going back to the bedroom, when I walked in, Ashton was gone. I assumed that maybe he was in the bathroom so I grabbed my phone and walked back towards the door. When I did, I noticed the laptop sitting on the drawer opened and filming.

Then, I woke up with a sharp inhale, my heart beating through the arterial of my satin pajama shirt. I lie there, not moving for a few seconds as I stare at the ceiling. I didn't quite get to the part of my dream where I got to feel my heart break, but I do remember the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I turn only my head, I feel something pull in my neck because of how fast I do it, but that doesn't matter.

The bed is empty. Why is the bed empty!?

I sit up abruptly and narrow my eyes. I gasp and turn around to check the date on my phone: the past week everyday has felt like the next and the day after that has felt like the last. Tomorrow is my anniversary. It makes three years since I've been married.

I remember it like I dreamt of it last night: the happiest day of my life. I remember walking down the aisle and the only thing I saw was how remarkable the rest of my life was soon to be. It was one of the only times in my life I hadn't felt an ounce of worry or doubt. Sure, there was the normal 'am I good enough' question, but never once did I think getting married would be a mistake. All I knew was if I had to live in and breathe the same air as anyone for the rest of my life, I wanted it to be Ashton.

I still remember the way I felt when our lips collided in the altar, sealing our vows. It felt like that magical scene in a movie when the whole world takes a staggering turn. In fact, as I closed my eyes and leaned in, I felt the mythological sparks all around me.

And every year on our anniversary, I feel that way all over again. It's usually the best day of my life, I always look forward to it because I know that I won't feel this way any other day. The day truly does put the special in special occassion.

So where is he! He's always here in the mornings,

I cross my arms as my eyebrows sink into my forehead, adding the finishing touch to the scowl on my face.

What if he doesn't acknowledge it? What if he purposely stayed at work as a way to ignore both me and today? He wouldn't do that....I don't think. He's been doing a lot of things that he 'wouldn't' do lately.

I think that cheating on me a day before our anniversary is a huge reach. Clearly, I haven't been right about much else, but I know that he wouldn't do something like that. That's the lowest of lows. Maybe he's become a person who would go to the lowest of lows and if he has, it's because of me.

I sigh and roll out of bed, dreading leaving the room and my fear being realized: he's nowhere to be found. I open the door with reluctance and step out of the room.

I know what I have to do.

*******

"And that's the last of the new renovations." Lily smiles as we circle back around to the front desk. "So..... are you sure about this?"

I smile, more to myself than her, but still. Yes, I'm sure. It's the best plan I've come up with in months. I don't know the last time I've went to such extremes.