Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

21

AUGUST

"Your dad isn't here." I sigh when I see Catalina sitting behind the deli countertop and staring at the meat.

"Because you stole his store from him." She slurs out in what would be a scoff if she was a bit more coherent.

"I did not steal it. He's selling it and I'm going to buy it. Would you rather a stranger have it?"

She takes a deep breath. "A stranger can't be worse than you."

"I disagree."

She has her hair brushed back in a tight bun and her mini dress is all ruffled up where she's holding a cup in her lap. I should tell her that she has to pay for the tequila that she opened and drank, but I'm sure she knows. It's clear to me that she's already been out tonight, but how she managed to get here and decide that drinking half a bottle of alcohol would be any good for her is a mystery. I don't say anything, but I'm concerned for her.

"You're a mess." I say.

"Shut up." She scoffs and leans back in her chair. "You're a mess."

"Whatever you say, drunk girl."

"Iii am not drunk." She drags out

"You're not?"

Her slurred speech and struggle to keep her head straight beg to differ. I've never known her to party or drink but I also haven't really known her for three years now.

"No." She giggles. "Want some."

"I'm good."

She turns around to look at me. Her eyes scan over my body up and down more than once before she finally scoffs.

"How come you can be so good?" She scowls. "What's wrong with me?! I mean... I want to be good but— oh my god! I'm a bad seed!"

"Yeah." I agree, joking. "You are a bad seed."

"I know." Her eyes start to tear up. "I know I am. This is so bad."

I take a seat in the chair next to her and just watch tears roll down her cheeks. I've never known what to do when she cries and I don't want to figure it out at this point. She'll get to the core of what she's feeling right now and stop eventually. Or maybe the core will be hard to reach with the tequila toxins taking up all her brain space.

I keep looking out of the side of my eye every now and again to see if she'll have any luck helping herself. So far she hasn't. In fact, she has leaned over with her face in the palm of her wet hands. I take a deep, heavy sigh.

"You're not a bad seed." I don't say it to make her feel better. I mean it.

"How am I not!" She speaks through her sobs.

I can tell that she's in pain and it's the only thing that makes me feel bad. I'm unsure what's going on in her life and I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with me. Then again, I guess all of her problems have a little bit to do with me. I'm sure somewhere deep down it has something to do with whatever made her think it was a good idea to leave her husband and her home. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to her, but I think I'll always be the most sorry that she can never seem to escape it.

"Well if you want to talk about it you have to stop crying first."

She sniffles her tears and wipes her eyes. She's trying to stop. If she's taking any orders from me then she must really be desperate. She's really desperate for something-anything- to fix all the parts of her that I've seemed to irreparably damage.

" Catalina, you just have a victim complex. Granted, you've been a victim to many things, but now you just make yourself one in every situation. So you don't feel like you need to work on your issues because you're not the one who's been hurting people, you're the one who keeps getting hurt."