Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

10: parking spot

AUGUST

"I can't believe I got my period." Lily crosses her arm and glares out of the wind shield. Her glare is so soft that I can't take it seriously. "Again."

"Well why wouldn't you get it?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"What did I do?" I laugh.

"I donate my hair to make wigs for people who are sick and this is how God repays me? No baby." She starts to rant. "and not only no baby, but he reminds me that I have no baby by ripping out the lining of my uterus."

"We'll have another baby." I assure her calmly as I park my car in the spot closest to the door so that Lily doesn't have to walk far.

She wants to have another child more than she wants anything else. So, I guess I want that too. I'm not confident that I can be a good parent to another human being. Alyssa loves me, but perhaps I just got lucky. How do I know the next baby we have won't despise me? When Alyssa was a baby I was a different person so I can barely remember how I got by with her. All I know is that if we have another kid, I'll have to start over, and I'm afraid I'll be worse at raising a baby.

A car horn honks behind me and I look in my rearview mirror and see the all black car that is similar to mine. Catalina. I realize that I'm parked in the spot that she parks in everyday. Somehow she still manages to be hell even if we aren't face to face.

"Who is that?" Lily furrows her eyebrows, turning away from fixing her hair in the mirror.

"Catalina. This is where she usually parks." I explain as I put my hand on the gearshift. "I guess I'll just go to the other side."

"No." Lily puts her hand on mine to stop me from moving. "You don't have to move."

She's right. I don't have to move, but I also don't want to give Catalina a reason to come at me with her drama again. I've been avoiding her and so far I've been successful. Sometimes I see her in the building doing whatever she does and after we avoid eye contact for those few seconds, everything is over. I like it like that. Lily stopping me from moving the car is going to get in the way of how it is.

"It's just a parking spot."

"Exactly." She puts the gearshift in park and stares at me, waiting for me to move it.

I sigh and sit back on the seat, locking the door and staring back at her. If she wants to sit in the car and have a staring contest we can do that. Lily folds her arms and looks at me with the soft, serious look on her face; her eyebrows furrowed into concentration and her lips pouted.When I can no longer keep a straight face, I smile at her. She's so pretty and even though she hates it, I think she looks perfect with short hair brushing against her shoulders.

A smile starts to rise on her face as well. "Why are you smiling at me? I'm being serious."

"You're so bossy." I point out, thinking about the fact that we're only still here because she doesn't want me to move the car.

"Well, I am the boss." She holds up her work I.D to show me and I laugh.

Before I speak again, there is a light tap on my glass and I turn to look out the window, seeing Catalina standing there with her arms folded. Her eyes are shooting me a harsh look through the tinted glass. Now, she is a person with a glare that you'd want to take seriously.

I roll my window down only slightly so I can hear what she has to say--despite knowing that it's never anything important. Nothing she says to me is of any importance. In fact, it's so irrelevant that I bet I can tune her out and still go on about my day without having to wonder what it is she said.