Becoming (INSECURE SEQUEL)

Seven: Hit the Streets

Yes, I know that hell would freeze over before they were close enough to take a picture together but enjoy the edit anyway

AUGUST

Catalina leans against the door across the room and her leg anxiously bounces as she tries not to pick at her fingernails. She isn't even looking at me and that's because she's forcing herself not to. I'm afraid that if I say something to her she'll explode because it looks like she's using every fiber of her being to not speak to me. Nothing makes me as nervous as Catalina does. If it's not because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing to her, it's because I'm afraid of what she'll say to me, so I walk on eggshells around her. I know how her emotions are capable of skyrocketing and taking over her.

I no longer know what to think about her or what she thinks about me.  I used to know her, and I barely knew her then. See, I never got to know the Catalina that I hurt; I only knew the one before I crushed her heart. I never knew--and probably never will know-- the one Ashton knows.  If I sat here and named all the versions of her that I don't know I'd be going forever.

I knew Catalina Delarosa, I have no idea what to think about Catalina Evans. I would wonder how much a person can actually change in just a few years, but so much has happened for her in these past two years that I know she isn't the same.

"So, uhm... where to first?" I ask as I look at the pamphlet we were handed.

"How about no where." Catalina crosses her arms.

"Okay.....that's fine too."

"I just want you to know do not start with your childishness." She speaks. "I won't be engaging with your tactics. I'm a grown, mature, developed adult now."

She starts with me despite asking that I don't start with her. It's like there's this alarm in her head that goes off everytime I'm not saying something to her and it signals her to throw the first jab. She hasn't seen me in years and didn't even try to give me the benefit of the doubt, but it's Catalina so I guess I don't really care. She's that one unreasonable person who is so resistant to change that you can't tell her anything-- or she used to be that person at least. I don't know her anymore and I can admit that, but why is she acting like she still knows me?

"You're only 25." I say, annoyed by her

"and three quarters." She scoffs at me, offended that I called her the age she is.

"My bad then." I narrow my eyes and correct myself. "25 and nine months."

"Nine months and a half."

I sigh heavily and sit back on the window.  Catalina side eyes me and moves a few feet away from me.

"Well that wasn't very 25 and three quarters of you."

"Do you ever mature?" She narrows her eyes. "Like ever? Are you going to stay twelve your whole life?"

"I don't know, do you like twelve year olds?"

Catalina rolls her eyes. She's more quiet than I imagined, and yes I have imagined the day we'd meet again. Although, when I thought about it I thought I'd be someone unrecognizable; I imagined that I'd be so far from my old self that she could talk to me and not loathe every moment of it. I hate being alone with her because I never know what to say or do. I don't know what it's like to be her or what thoughts swirl through her mind. I'll never really know because no matter what she says, it's never going to be the whole truth. She said she hated me and then she admitted that it wasn't the entire truth.

I don't want her to like me, we don't even have to be friends, I just want to know what she'd think of me now if we were strangers and met for the first time all over again.