Curveball [BL]

9 || Juda

The alcohol eventually wears off. That edge Juda had at the bar simmers into nothing and leaves a lot of questions behind. Why the fuck did he do that? He has a career, they all have a career. A career that could become so much more in the future, and he risked a lot of that just to get a quickie in. 

What if someone had taken a picture? A video?

It's not enough to hurt his college career, but it could damage whatever hopes he had of making it to the Major's.

Juda exhales and toys with his empty can of coke. It's diet. "I know it was stupid," he admits, "but I couldn't stop for some reason. They're just.."

"I get it." Jax shrugs.  "Really, I do. Doesn't mean it wasn't fucking stupid to do in public, though." There's those crickets again. Juda doesn't know where they're coming from. He thinks there's one caught behind the vending machine's they're sitting by. It's dark out, the stars high in the sky as the moon casts a gentle glow on the dorms. "You didn't actually fuck in the bar, right? You at least went to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, bathroom." Juda nods, leaving out how Nico and Carmen were all over each other on the pool table. "Then back in our dorm."

"Jesus," Jax breathes out a laugh, "how much do you guys fuck?" A lot, Juda doesn't say. He shrugs instead. "And this has been going on for what? One week? Two?"

"A month."

Jax shakes his head and takes a swig from his can. "You're in deep, man. I'm kind of impressed nobody's found out, though." A quick glance at Juda, "Nobody has, right? You're keeping it under wraps?"

Juda assures him they are. To his knowledge, nobody else knows. Well- nobody besides Jax. He wouldn't be surprised if Bear knew, though. "I don't know what we're doing," Juda admits. "It was fun, it is, but I guess everything that happened at the bar made me realize that we're actually fucking, y'know? You can't really go back from that."

Jax hums, "Believe me, I know."

Juda glances at him. "Are you and Rio still..?"

"Fucking?" Jax laughs but it lacks all its humor. "Yeah, we're still 'fuck buddies' as he likes to call it."

Judging from his tone, "And I'm guessing you don't like that?"

Jax shrugs, but it's not as casual as he hoped it was. "Yeah, no, I don't know. It's complicated." He takes another sip. "Isn't it always, though? You should never be fuck buddies with your friends. Get a stranger for that."

Juda holds off a cringe, because he has to agree.

"It was fun at first. We just fucked around now and then but," Jax's eyes rolls, "someone usually catches feelings. It was me, and now everything's a little weird between us. We're still friends, but it's.." he trails off, figuring Juda can come to his own conclusion.

"It's one sided?" Juda frowns. "Really? You two are always together, though."

Jax scoffs quietly, "One sided? No. I know he likes me too, he's told me he has. But like I said, it's complicated. I want a relationship, he doesn't." His shoulder shrugs, trying not to look as bothered as he feels. "I'm a fourth year, he's a third. I'm graduating this year and he doesn't think it'll work out past college."

"He said that?"

"No, but it's what he meant. Says he's 'not ready' but he has no problem sneaking into my bed every night." Jax sighs. "And c'mon, 'not ready' is just saying no indirectly."

Juda can't disagree or agree.

Jax glances at him. "I'd say don't be like us but seems like it's too late to say." He gives a quiet laugh, looking tired. There's a hood to his eyes, slump in his posture. "You guys are.. different, though."

"Different?"

"Closer," Jax corrects. "Rio and I.. we're great when we're together, but we don't make each other greater. You three do."

Juda thinks about his words long and hard. Thinks about Carmen and Nico. And then thinks about himself without them. Am I okay without them? Can we go back to normal? Are we normal? Is this our new normal? The thought is off putting. It makes him frown.

It's not what he wants, he realizes. He doesn't want to think of them and immediately think sex. Because that's what he's been doing. It's the only excuse he can think of to get closer to them. Kiss them - hold them. "So what do you do now?" Juda swallows. "You like him but he doesn't want a relationship? What do you do?"

"Nothing I can do," Jax sighs. "I've tried stopping, a few times now, but it's just.. everything is so different. Once you start, even if it's just once, you don't forget that first time together. Your friendship isn't the same before, even when you pretend it is."

Jax glances at Juda and says, "Words of advice - don't try to ignore it or ignore them. You're gonna wind up giving in and confessing while your balls deep inside him."

Juda winces, "I'm assuming Rio didn't take that well?"

"Kicked me out of my own room," Jax laughs.

"Do you regret it? Ever sleeping with him?"

Jax shrugs as he toys with his empty can. "Sometimes. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want to rewind and avoid that first time we kissed, but most times I just want a relationship with him." He suddenly gives a dramatic stretch and stands up. His can's tossed into the recycle bin. "It'll work out, I'm sure. And if it doesn't, that's okay. Life goes on."

Juda's lips twitch up. That sounds so unlike him. "You really believe that?"

"Fuck no. I'm gonna pester him until he gives in or tells me to fuck off. I was just trying to make you feel better. You've been down in the dumps all day, man."

Juda laughs, something soft and quiet. "Thanks."

"Personally, I'd go for it." Jax is already walking back to his room, throwing a hand over his shoulder as he goes. "Manifest it!"

Juda looks down at his tattoo.

Manifest it, huh.