[[忘羡 | WangXian 2]] : The Green-eyed Мonster

Revelations.

Lan Zhan was feeling extremely weak. There was a thick black fog in front of his eyes, and for a moment there he could swear he was lying on the battlefield, yes, his body - broken, and him  -  slowly, surely dying. This was how he always had imagined his death. Wei Ying went away, the room was too empty without him... Too quiet.

He tried to imagine what his days would look like if Wei Ying went away for good. No. No.  It was not possible, far too painful to imagine. His brain could not, would not process this. The last 20 years of his life were dedicated to... To him, fully.  Loving him, missing him, mourning him, losing him, finding him. His life had no meaning without him  –  he was the center of his universe. The only thing that mattered.

The door opened and he automatically called:

- Wei Ying? Oh please....

Wei Ying approached, and to his amazement, he took him in his arms carefully and lifted him up. They were now standing against each other, gazing into each other's eyes. Lan Zhan was speechless, flushed.

- Husband, it would be easier for me to change all this mess if you were standing up. – Wei Ying smiled slightly. – Will you manage?

Lan Zhan nodded, gaping foolishly. He felt gentle fingers touch his skin and shuddered.

- Why...

- Ahhh. Someone reminded me how much I love you, Lan Zhan. That's all. – Wei Ying was circling around him now, changing bloody bandages for new, clean ones. The balm was working fast, if Lan Zhan could keep still – all wounds would close up quickly.

When all was ready, Wei Ying was all flushed up too – he was still not too ready for more strenuous tasks himself. Lan Zhan stopped his fussing by simply taking his hand.

- Thank you.

Wei Ying blushed and nodded. But then he said firmly:

- No need to thank me. I still need an explanation. Let's get you into bed.

Lan Zhan nodded sadly, and groaning  –  moved to bed, lying on his belly, his chin propped on the pillow. In a second, he closed his eyes as gentle fingers collected his hair and pushed it to the side so that he could be more comfortable. He couldn't suppress his sigh.

- Oh Gods... how I've missed you...  -  he murmured.

Wei Ying hesitated for a moment. But Bai Li's words were ringing in his head, refusing to go away. He came closer and leaned in over Lan Zhan who felt he could not breathe – he was not even hoping this could ever happen again.

- Lan Zhan... My love...

Wei Ying cupped his cheek in his warm palm and their lips merged into a careful, slow kiss, long expected, and longed-for.

***

When Bai Li came in with the tea, she found her Masters united, crying, but happy. She left it on the table and quickly left them alone.

Wei Ying's heart was beating too fast.  

Yes, there was his Lan Zhan, his beloved, his husband.  He broke the kiss and caressed his face, wiping away his tears and trying to say, without crying:

- Tea is here. You need to drink, Lan Zhan... You are not as strong as you think you are.

Lan Zhan smiled faintly and let Wei Ying get the cup to his lips. Tea had never tasted so good.

***

The night fell, and Wei Ying made a makeshift bed on the floor so that he could be close to Lan Zhan without risking hurting him, or opening his wounds again. Lan Zhan, on the other hand, felt like he had died and this was Heaven. Was he forgiven? This kiss... He knew there was a difficult conversation coming up, but still... Having him so close was the best feeling, a blessing.

They didn't talk too much. Staring at each other, drinking the view, was enough for now  –  they both had missed each other terribly. At one point, however, Lan Zhan broke the silence:

- How could you forgive me?  What I did was unthinkable...  -  he murmured.

- I remembered what my priorities were. I'd rather be with you than without you. I'd rather be happy than miserable. I'd rather try to understand than fear, just for the principle of it. I'd rather love you than hate you...

Lan Zhan sighed.

- You are wiser than me. Always have been. Sometimes I envy you tremendously.

Wei Wuxian raised an eyebrow, genuinely surprised.

- Listen, please.  –  Lan Zhan begged.

Wei Wuxian's body tensed. He knew it wasn't going to be an easy confession, words that were easy to be heard. He also knew it was going to be extremely hard for his husband, who, most of all things, hated to talk about his feelings.

- It was all because of that damned girl...  -  Lan Zhan mumbled.

Wei Ying gaped.

- A girl. A girl?! 

- Yes. Nainai.  Whatever. Nie Huaisang's cousin.  The Qinghe Nie Clan. The birthday.  –  Lan Zhan was blushing severely. Now that he was saying the words out loud, he fully realized how foolish it all sounded.

Wei Ying was very, very red in the face, doing his best not to explode. This was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard, in all his days, in this life, and in the previous one. His nostrils flared and Lan Zhan knew he was going to blow up very very soon. He lowered his eyes and dared not look up, expecting the screaming.

- Lan Zhan, LAN ZHAN, you do remember we are married, RIGHT??!?   –  Wei Ying yelled, jumping to his feet, hands on his hips.

Lan Zhan nodded.  

The yell echoed through the premises. All the servants were already awake, he was too sure of it,  and now listening in too. 

He was blushing massively  –  even his neck and chest were now red. He tried to hide his face in the pillow, but there was no escaping from this shrill voice any more.

- And, hmmm, LAN ZHAN, you do remember that she was 14, RIGHT??  14!!!  How old are you??? How old am I???  YOUUUUUU IDIOOOOOOT!!! 

Wei Ying's voice was reaching new heights. Lan Zhan was sure that  –  had he not been injured  –  Wei Ying would start attacking him with fists and throwing objects at him  –  till he found his sword, of course. 

He looked up at his red face  –  he was fuming.