[[忘羡 | WangXian 2]] : The Green-eyed Мonster

I miss you.

Dinner was unbearable. Everybody was so suffocatingly careful about their words, and so polite, that Wei Ying could not wait for it to be over, so that he could stop walking on eggshells. 

But then, in the bedroom, it seemed that he always continued walking on eggshells... There were the awkward silences, the awkward touching, the awkward pretending that all is forgotten. No, he could not forget. He simply could not.

Lan Xichen was the first to excuse himself  –  he was going to be travelling back the next morning, so an early night was in order.

Wei Ying looked at his husband; Lan Wangji had been really flushed and distracted the whole time.

- What the hell was that? – he exclaimed when they were alone. – Did you receive an intervention too?

Lan Zhan nodded thoughtfully.

- We need to talk, Wei Ying. Privately.

Wei Wuxian huffed and signaled for a servant to approach. He whispered instructions in her ear, and soon everyone left the room. It was just the two of them now.

- So, talk. – he said simply.

Lan Zhan looked around miserably, yearning to escape, to avoid having this conversation. He preferred thousands upon thousands of hours of training, or battles, or chores, to this. How should he put his thoughts into words? Lan Xichen had always been the eloquent one  –  his brother was a born diplomat, he was great with people. He looked up at Wei Ying desperately.

- Lan Zhan, I am sure you can tell me anything. I don't scare easily.  –  Wei Ying tried to laugh, but there was the sensation of a lump stuck in his throat too, one that he could not get rid of.

- Are you happy?  –  Lan Zhan finally asked quietly.

Wei Ying laughed.

- What kind of question is this? Am I ... --

He frowned as he saw that Lan Zhan's face expressed despair and utter unhappiness. Bai Li had said the same thing. Dammit.

- No. I am not happy. I am not happy because you are not happy.  –  he said tersely.  –  And it seems the servants know all about it!  –  he scoffed in contempt.

Lan Zhan nodded.

- My brother spent just two days here, and he felt it too, it seems.  –  he said seriously.  –  Wei Ying... do you still love me?  –  he looked up, and his heart skipped a beat.

Wei Ying knew that this was not a light question, not just something his lover would ask him casually. It probably took all his strength for Lan Zhan to speak those particular words.

- I do. I do, Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying got up, and went to sit next to the beautiful young man who looked so perfect, yet so miserable.

- Bai Li told me I should forgive you.  –  he said seriously, taking Lan Wangji's hand in his.

- My brother told me the same thing. And also – that I should forgive myself...  -  his voice was breaking and Lan Zhan looked up, searching for any clues in Wei Ying's face. – I am not sure I can do that, my love.

Wei Ying shook his head and kissed Lan Wangji's hand gently.

- I thought this was behind us. But it's not. How did this happen?  –  Wei Ying asked, moving a little closer.

- I really can't say. But we cannot go on like that. It's killing me.  –  Lan Zhan whispered.

- I miss you. – Wei Ying said simply.

- I miss you more, Wei Ying...