The Visionaries

36

I didn't sleep that well that night. Years of grief, pain, and sorrow had finally eaten me up, leaving me as a crying and angry mess. I woke up in the ancestral lands. There was my taati, humming a pirekua and pulling in a net from the river.

She was there too, much happier and cleaning fish.

"Mom?" I say. She has her hair in a halo braid and is wearing a beaded skirt. She wears an embroidered blouse and an apron or mandil. She wears a rebozo over her head.

"Hey, Alma." She said, smiling.

"I-" I start to cry. God dammit. I used to be stronger.

"People are made of clay, sweetheart." My mother hugs me. "It's okay to cry."

I sigh and wipe my tears.

"I want to be strong." I say.

"You are. You saved us."

"I didn't save you."

"I lived my life already, Alma. You have just started yours." She said. "You are still young and have so much to see."

"Mom, did you want to be cremated?"

"Yeah, you know how much I hate maggots." She said. "But anyway, you can't be here too long. We love you and I want you to know that." I nodded.

"I love you too, mom." I say.

I woke up next to Duane the next morning. He was awake.

"Today's the day, huh?" He said.

"It is." I say, sadly.

We get ready. I braid my hair in a halo braid and put on my black dress. We take a bus. There's other people in black, in ribbon skirts, embroidered shirts, and jewelry like beaded earrings or quill necklaces.

We arrive at an open field with a podium and stage in the center. There were chairs set up, food on a table covered with clothes and covers. There were shrines with pictures of people, candles lit, toys, food and other items. I found Lana's picture. It's one I never thought I'd see again. It was her and me as a newborn. She's smiling.

I open my bag of things. Miller had given them to me afterward the last time I saw him. I put down her beautiful butterfly shawl, her favorite red lipstick, and some beaded rings someone gave her once.

I tear up and start to cry. Duane hugs me. I see my friends making their own shrines for their lost loved ones. I watch Bree leave flowers at my mom's shrine. She puts some on Aaron's for his grandmother, aunt, and two cousins.

"Thank you." I hugged her.

"No problem." She said.

"Any luck?"

"Someone says my brother is in what used to be Wisconsin. They sent him a letter I wrote. My parents put up a notice for me too. We're supposed to reunite soon." Bree said.

"That's good." I say. I notice a monarch butterfly landing on the flowers. My eyes water even more.

"Tell her I forgive her." I whisper as it flaps its wings. I walk off and we're seated. Mirelle comes to the stage.

"Good morning. Today we are here to claim remains and do as our culture tells us with our dead. As we mourn the loss of our loved ones on Turtle Island, they celebrate their arrival in the ancestral lands. And we celebrate their lives with us and that we will someday join them in a land of no pain, no sorrow, and no sadness. Alma Hernandez, please come up first."

I get up and stand at the podium. Dr. Miller hands me a box with a rose engraved into it. I turn to the microphone on the podium after I grab it.

"My mother and I had a complicated relationship. In spite of that, she gave the greatest sacrifice a mother can give to her child; their life for that of her daughter and unborn grandchild. I wish I had known her better so I could give her a proper eulogy. Instead, I have to grieve without ever knowing who she really was. I pray to Kuraweri that she is at peace and happy." I wipe my eyes. "I pray to Him for the strength she had to protect my own." I walk off holding her ashes.

Aaron is called next. They hand him an envelope and guide a younger looking woman to the stage. Aaron breaks down, hugging her. She starts to cry too. After a moment, he gets on stage and recites a poem he wrote in O'odam. Dany is given another envelope and she just walks back to her seat. Norrin doesn't get anything, as he didn't lose anyone who knowing their fate. Neither did Bree. She was reunited with her family. They handed people envelopes, boxes, or wrapped packages. We head to the field and part ways. They sang songs while they buried the bones or ashes in holes. They marked the graves. Others burned ashes in a pile, singing and crying. I head over to fellow Purhes' spot.

They are praying rosaries in Purepecha. I feel ashamed of not even being able to pray with them. One of them hands me a book with the Spanish rosary which I recite. We create altars for them. I add my mother's favorite hairtie, a birthday card and a picture from her passport. In the end, we leave. We also get a card listing a grand party in two weeks to celebrate our victory. Duane, Patrick and Charlie are at their mother and siblings 'grave covered with flowers, stuffed animals and other items.

Aaron and the woman sing with another group of O'odams. Bree and her family are with Norrin who wept for their mother. I walk up to Dany who has a picture of her family and a rock propped up. It had a few flowers. My heart feels stabbing pain as I realize what picture it is. Its us, our brothers, and our parents in a matching pajama set picture.

"I miss them." She said.

I don't really think about them as much as I feel I should. That makes me feel bad.

"I miss them too." I hug her. She leans her hand on my shoulder.