Lean on me

Chapter 38

Sloan stares down at the name on her screen for what feels like forever. She looks down at the city below her balcony and takes a deep breath, tapping the call button before she can change her mind. She holds the phone up to her ear and waits for him to pick up, her confidence dwindling with each ring. 

"Hello?" He answers groggily. 

"Oh God. Did I wake you?" Sloan asks. "I forgot about the time difference." 

"Sloan?" Grayson asks, sitting up in his bed. Sloan sighs and nods. 

"Yeah. It's me." She says quietly. "I, uh, I owe you an explanation." 

"It's been three months, Sloan. Don't you think you should have given me an explanation sooner? Like, oh, I don't know... when you broke up with me?" Sloan sighs and looks down, nodding to herself. 

"Okay, I deserve that." She says. 

"Damn right. Don't you think I deserved a real explanation?" He questions. "I waited for you to call for months, Sloan. I kept thinking maybe you'd call and apologize and explain why you did it. I thought we could work it out. But then you go away, which you didn't even tell me about, and I don't hear from you. You realize that this is the first time we've talked since we broke up?" 

"I'm sorry." Sloan says, a tear slipping from her eye. "I know I hurt you. I know you're angry. And you have every right to be. You told me that you loved me, and I told you to go. I didn't want to hurt you but I wanted to keep you safe. That's the only way I know how to keep you safe." 

"Sloan, what are you talking about? I'm safe! Nobody is after me. No one is after you." He tells her. "There was no reason for you to push me away. And me getting hurt before wasn't your fault. The shooting at the hotel wasn't your fault. Me getting stabbed wasn't your fault." 

"Yes it was." She says quietly. "David was coming after me. He wanted to hurt me and he used you to do it." 

"Sloan, what's the real reason you broke up with me?" Grayson asks after a few minutes of silence. Sloan sighs. 

"I saw it in your eyes, Grayson. You didn't look at me the same way you did before. You didn't love me like you did before." She says. "You may think you did but I could tell you didn't. I wasn't whole, I wasn't the person you wanted me to be. You couldn't touch me and it was killing you. You wanted to be with someone who could let you touch them. And I don't blame you. You deserve to be with someone like that. Someone who's not like me." 

"Sloan, nothing changed." Grayson argues. "I always loved you. I told that I loved you and I meant it. The only thing that changed in the way I looked at you was that I saw you as someone who was so much stronger than I ever thought possible. I didn't care that I couldn't touch you. I didn't care that you weren't the same person as you were before that night. All I saw was you. I saw the same girl that I've always seen. I would never change anything about you, you have always been the person I want you to be. And I don't want to be with anyone else. I only want to be with you." Sloan doesn't say anything, wiping at the tears that fell from her eyes. 

"Sloan, I have loved you since the day I laid eyes on you." Grayson tells her. "I still love you. Even after everything. I will never stop loving you." Grayson takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm willing to try again if you are. We can take it slow. Just tell me what I need to do to make it happen and I'll do it." Sloan looks up as the door to the balcony opens, Anthony stepping out, tapping his watch twice. 

"Look, Gray, I have to go." She says, making him sigh. "I'll call you when I get back and we can talk more then. I really do want to talk about this. But I have an interview to be at. Please. Can we talk later?"