Chapter 18

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Fifth chapter. Start building my statue, peasants! xoxo

Sometimes when you are crawling to fall out of love, you let go and fall even deeper.

That's exactly what's happening to Louis Tomlinson. He finally started to get over Harry Styles. He had this image in his head from an asshole that broke his heart, bullied him, used him and never was even in love with him. But now Louis knows the truth and he isn't sure if it relieves him because Harry did actually love him or if it hurts even more.

It's definitely the second option. Hearing Harry beg to stay in his life made Louis feel so many emotions. He wants to stay in Harry's life. God he has missed the curly boy and the way they used to be. He missed his smile, his touch, the way Harry made him feel, he misses everything. But that's the thing. They will never be how they used to. They are not two teenagers in love now, they are two adults, one of them being engaged and the other being the wedding planner of the engaged one. They aren't even close to how they used to be and it kills Louis because things between him and Harry happened rather fast and he doesn't know how to be just friends with him. They always showed their feelings to each other, hell they kissed on the first day that they actually talked, confessing that they had a crush on one another.

So how can Louis stay in his life if he has no clue how to be just Harry's friend? Because he only knows how to be special to Harry, which now, Taylor has that spot. And Louis loves Taylor and he wishes the couple all the best. But he can't help but be jealous. He remembers Harry's words what he said outside when they were just screaming at each other.

If you didn't cheat on me, that ring would have been on your finger. That's how much I loved you.

Louis stares at his bare finger and he can't help but wonder if that was really the case if Liam didn't come between them. Would he have been mister Louis Styles then? And would Harry be Harry Tomlinson? It sounds way too good in Louis' ears, knowing it will never happen. It will be Taylor Styles, which will make the popstar even sound more like an artist.

"Louis, we can drive back to the house." Harry walks into the room, carefully approaching Louis. They haven't spoken since their heart to heart and it scares the curly boy. It scares him that now he had lost Louis for good. He would give up everything to keep him in his life.

Even his wedding.

"You can go, I'll take a taxi." Louis mumbles, folding his new bought clothes in the new bag he bought in the hotel shop.

"Don't distance yourself from me." Harry walks up to Louis and hugs him from behind, letting his chin rest on Louis' small shoulder.

"It's the easiest, Hazza." Louis' voice is broken and Harry can hear that he is on the edge of tears, but it doesn't matter. His heart is beating like a train again.

"You called me Hazza." Harry whispers, his head hidden in the crook of Harry's neck. "Didn't hear that name for over six years."

"I'm sorry, it slipped." Louis apologises and he can't help but put his own hands on Harry's that are wrapped around his waist. And then he feels a cold metal on his own hand, reminding him why he is taking distance from his first love.

"It's alright. I love it when you call me that, makes me feel special, boo."

And got Louis just wants to take a gun to shoot all the butterflies in his stomach because they don't have the right to appear because of an engaged guy.

"You shouldn't call me that."

"Why not? You used to love it, didn't you?" Harry moves his fingers and now they are intertwined around Louis' tin body.

"I also used to date you, but that's not the case anymore either. It makes me feel uncomfortable, Harry. And can you please let go of me, I'm packing." And Louis immediately regrets his harsh tone when he sees a look full of hurt in Harry's eyes.

"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I'm just... It's.... I'm used to be this close to you when we are together Louis." Harry wipes away upcoming tears with the palm of his hands.

"But we were a couple, Haz. That's not the case anymore. You have a beautiful fiancé and you'll be married to her in no time."

"And are you going to plan it?" Harry looks Louis straight in the eyes and the level of intensity makes Louis nervous.

"I euh... I don't know yet, Haz."

Harry grabs Louis' hand with one and strokes his cheek with his other hand.

"If firing you as my wedding planner will make that you feel better and you are willing to stay in my life I will do it, Louis. I'll even make sure Taylor pays you the money she promised. I just don't want to lose you, that's all I ask from you. I made the mistake to let you go when I was younger but now I actually grew a brain and I'm not letting it happen, Louis. If you disappear again I will just look the whole fucking earth for you if I have to. I never had what I had with you with anyone else."

"You should understand that this is hard for me, Harry. You were my first love, the only boy I slept with. I've been convincing myself that you hated me for the past six years only to find out that you did love me, wanted to come out, could have been together fucking happily but that got ruined by my best friend who lied to you and that's why you kissed someone else in front of me and started to bully me. It's a lot to take in, Harry. You've always been my weak spot, but I can't let you kill me, you get it?"

"I guess. Just... Drive home with me okay? Don't be silly by taking a taxi . Let me prove you that I can make you smile, not only cry."

And Louis knows Harry can make him smile. That's the whole fucking problem. 

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