Azur Lane - The next one who attempts to marry me, gets detention!

Admiral's missive - Week 35

URGENT - Anyone who dares to even approach Akashi in the ensuing year is dead to me.

To all ships - Please make preparations for permanent leave of our naval base next week. It has been good to us, and we have not been as good to it. When you are ready, please follow Observer's instructions on how to maintain orbit within your personal spaceship.

Admiral Graf Spee - Your sister is cruelty reincarnated. Keep listening to her "advice" and I'll be forced to order you to commit sororicide. You do not need to give me a lap dance, it does not mean what you think it does. - If you really are that curious about what it actually means, ask Eugen...

Admiral Hipper - Stop hounding me. I know this army is going to hell, you don't need to rub it in my face.

Ajax - When I offered you Suffolk, it was under the pretense that you would keep her alive. - My apologies. Upon inspection of her corpse, it appears she is still alive. - For the record, do you only cook people alive when they're your property? Or is anyone fair game?

Albacore - In the case that you do find a human who has survived that catastrophic armageddon, despite all odds, the first thing you do is ask them if they're okay, insure they're not in any harm, and then escort them safely back here. You do not walk up to them and ask "Is this still the year 2088?" - Likewise, chasing human survivors while laughing maniacally and yelling "I need your help! Let me drink your blood!" is forbidden. - You know what? If you see any more survivors out there, just leave them there to die. It would be doing them a huge favor.

Akagi - I'm glad to see that you and Shōkaku have made up for past mistakes and hugged it out. But you can let go of her now, because she's dangerously close to fainting.

Akashi - You have ten seconds to explain to me in full detail why and how you have possession over those white "conception fluids," why you are selling them to other shipgirls in stock, and why those bottles have my name on them.

Ark Royal - You are hereby added to the list of people not allowed to own skintight pants. How could you do such a thing to those young, innocent souls?!

Atago - You are not going to repopulate the world by humping old fire hydrants. I... What...? How many people in this fleet still need an anatomy lesson?

Avrora - Freshly cooked mold should not be organized as "space rations." Do not attempt to convince Laffey that they are digestible crops from space.

Ayanami - You are hereby forbidden from transforming your personal spaceship into a Gundam mech suit for "military purposes".

Belfast - Yes, your wife's doubleganger has a harem now. That still doesn't mean you're allowed to make one of your own. - Or one for your wife.

Bismarck - I sincerely regret placing you in charge of creating our new spaceship formations. Apartheid is not a tactically advantageous process of categorizing, not matter how many graphs you show insisting that it is.

Bremerton - We are a military organization responsible for the destruction of the world. We don't need you to design us a new mascot. - No, not even if it is wearing a space helmet.

Chapayev - Please refrain from transforming your personal spaceship into an intergalactic prison. The universe will do just fine without one.

Cleveland - Request to build an active "gay-dar" into your space ship denied.

Deutschland - Even if there exists no more government on earth, you cannot claim martial law over the base because someone insulted your hair. Please disarm the nukes before the countdown finishes.