𝑨 𝑻𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯 𝑶𝑭 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟏: 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤

HER GUTTURAL CRY shook the room. Lilith shot up gasping for air, her chest felt constricted and couldn't keep up with the fast beating of her heart.

It wasn't real. It was just a nightmare. She wiped her face and pushed away her hair that had fallen loose. Lifting up the black duvet and pulling up her shirt, she looked at her body that was free of any lacerations. Wait a minute. Black duvet? Her duvet was white. She snapped her head up scanning the room that did in fact not belong to her. The room was filled and yet so spacious, it didn't have normal homely things, just mounds of books piled up across almost every inch of the room. She turned to face the similar looking window she had in her room. Surely she wasn't? This couldn't be? No. No chance. Her mind still dazed by her nightmare and the uncertainty of this foreign room caused her to rub her face again, in attempt to create some sense out of what was happening.

The click of a door pulled Lilith back to reality as she snapped her head in the direction of the door. In walked as usual, a stone faced Severus. And yet she outwardly relaxed.

"Severus." she spoke warmly. Pause. She contemplated her next words, something from the pit of her stomach forcing the words to splurge up and out of her throat more sooner than she had the chance to weigh if she actually wanted to tell Severus the next part.

"I have something to tell you." she wasn't in control, or was she? She didn't know, her body and mind were both forcefully jerking her to say anything and everything she ever could.

"Don't." he responded nonchalantly.

"What?"

"You're under a spell." Lilith furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Severus merely tutted in response.

"While I'm most certain Professor Lockhart was unaware of the nature of the sectumsempra curse, I'm do believe however, that he was aware of the veritaserum draught he slipped into your drink that he provided." Lilith stared at him, mouth gaped open.

"You mean he casted that spell, saw the effect it had on me and still decided to use the draught on me?"Lilith questioned with a face full of shock.

"Essentially, yes." Severus walked over to the fireplace and rested one arm on the ledge. "Which is why i'm encouraging you not to tell me whatever you think you need to tell me."

"I don't understand."

"Lilith the majority of people given that draught have the inability to control what comes out of their mouth and yet here you sit, reasonably aware of what you're doing and saying. I'm advising you not to tell me because although you seem in control, what you think you want to tell me may actually just be the potion luring you into telling me."

"Oh." was all she offered in response. She hadn't thought of it like that. Now she didn't know if she wanted to tell Severus about her nightmare, about her truth. She didn't necessarily feel complied into doing so but as Severus had stated - she wasn't responding to the draught in the usual.

"But what about the sectumsempra curse?" she chimed.

"I don't think you can handle that Lilith." Severus stared at her, his eyes pleading with her not to take things further.

"Severus, if i've handled the actual doings of the curse i'm sure I can handle knowing how Gilderoy used it. More a less, how someone like Gilderoy made that curse..."

"He didn't." Severus said hesitantly.
"I did."

Lilith stared at him wide eyed, had the curse not been hellbent on inflicting pain she would have commended Severus for making his own spell. But this? This magic was dangerous and she was more confused than ever as to why Severus had involved himself with such dark magic.

"Why?"

"Another time Miss Arcane." he pursed. "All you need to know is that the only way Lockhart had access to that was from my classroom, which is how I now know he was the one who stole the Jobberknoll feathers in order to make the veritaserum potion."

"Why did he want to use that on me anyways?"

He sighed "Miss Arcane I believe Mr Lockhart feels fondly of you and I assume that he intended to use the serum in hopes you would reveal the status of your feelings towards him."

"That's barbaric." she huffed. This was a lot to absorb. But frankly, it was less extreme than her nightmare and so it made coming to grasps with the entire ordeal a little bit more tolerable.
"Where is Lockhart now?" she hesitantly asked.

"Incarcerated." He replied monotonously. Lilith gasped at the thought.

"Really?"

"No...But he should be. Dumbledore says it is solely your decision as to what you want to happen with Professor Lockhart. Whether you wish him to stay or have him leave given the severity of his misconduct."

"I hardly think dismissing him is necessary." Lilith scoffed.

"Lilith he could have killed you." Severus replied stunned by her words. He had now placed himself at the end of the bed Lilith was resting in.

"But he didn't and that's all that matters." It was now Severus' turn to scoff. Lilith's eyes lit up at the idea of Severus emanating any other emotion than being cold. Even if it was sarcasm. She shuffled over into his direction and sat herself beside him.

"You're right." She said facing away from him, Severus however turned his face to her direction taking in her features from the side.

"I could have died. But I didn't...because you helped me. So thank you." she had now turned to face him and placed her hand in his, squeezing gently.

He stared at her, unable to comprehend how her pretty mind worked. She was wrong. So, so wrong. She hadn't even seemed concerned by the fact that the existence of sectumsempra was of his doing. If he hadn't done anything she would have died under his curse, the sheer thought made him shiver. The woman placed too much faith in people, gave too much love and enabled too much forgiveness.

His heart leaped over the idea of her being grateful to him but his mind told him that he was undeserving of it. This was his conflict; the duality of Severus - the constant battle between what his heart and his head wanted. It was exhausting to work through which is why he often opted to stay cold. But with Lilith, he didn't want to be cold. He wanted to burn. He wanted to be burned. By her and her flame. She turned his blue flame orange and was completely unaware of it. Lilith was simultaneously his everything and nothing. His everything because he wanted to move the stars, shift the galaxy for her. And simultaneously his nothing because she had no idea of the extent by which Severus was bewitched by her.

Lilith and Severus both faced each other, their eyes expressing what their words couldn't and their hands holding what their voices failed to muster. Both had never been so uncertainly certain of what they wanted. Severus' eyes flickered between Lilith's and her lips, fighting with himself. Deciding if he wanted to let his heart rule over his head, to do this and expect no repercussions. Lilith noticed his hesitation but pleaded through her eyes. Right now she wasn't questioning the truth of the veritaserum, she wasn't thinking about what comes after. She wanted, for once, to just live in the now. She wanted to live better than she ever existed and the only thing stopping that was Severus' conflict. Perhaps they both wanted different, she thought. She realised how selfish she was being, she wanted Severus to figure out what he wanted on his own. And whether or not she would be in that equation would not void the gratitude she had for him after today.

"Severus we don't have-"
"Lilith I-"
They both spoke at once. The silence between them growing thicker than the tension that had just occurred. Severus pulled away, his warmth leaving Lilith's side.

"Maybe I should just leave Severus-" Lilith spoke as she stood up from the bed. Severus gave no answer to support or negate her offer. He didn't need to, she already felt irrecoverably foolish and couldn't tolerate his returned to cold demeanour. Without looking back she left his room, gently closing the door and entering her own room.

Two steps forward, one step back.