𝑨 𝑻𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯 𝑶𝑭 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟖: 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬

I want you.

Three words. Eight letters. Three syllables. Four vowels.

The words were something that Lilith had been searching for, believing that everything she had done was always one sided. An unrequited want.

Severus wanted her.

But what did that entail exactly? Did he want her just for today so that she wouldn't leave Hogwarts? Did he just want her to continue to be his assistant? Or did he just want her?

Severus Snape had left Lilith astonished on numerous occasions, ranging from the sheer audacity he possessed all the way to his arrogance. It was something that she had grown fond of, if one could ever appreciate arrogance. In those moments she thought she knew exactly what it felt like to be speechless, to have a thousand thoughts bowling through her mind and not a single word being able to compensate those thoughts. In those moments she thought she knew exactly what it felt like to turn numb, to have her whole body give way under the words of someone else. But she realised that she never truly understood those concepts, not with how she was left to feel now.

It was a paradoxical sense of a new fear and relief that circled her bones and a sudden desire that burned its way through her skin and danced with her blood. Her mouth was dry and twitching, wanting to splurge all unspoken words but her tongue refused to move with her mind. Severus made her feel warm regardless but his words had completely encased her in a blanket of impenetrable love and reassurance, it made her hands hover at her shoulders, attempting to pull up the imaginary blanket.

It seemed conventional that in this moment Lilith was meant to be overjoyed; her mind, body and soul thrilled at the notion of another being feeling so fondly towards her and yet she had no idea how to show that. Alongside the words that were spoken with reassurance created such doubt within Lilith. The memories of Severus belittling Lilith wasn't something that had diminished with these new words, or at least not like she had hoped they would. It made her feel guilty. Guilty for not reciprocating the reassurance he was providing to her. It felt as though Severus was keeping her warm as she was just left him standing, alone in the cold.

Severus on the other hand didn't regret his words. They were something that was more than overdue and if anything he cursed himself for allowing things to spiral this far out of hand instead of confronting Lilith with how he felt.

This feeling was something stronger than he had ever felt before. It was a feeling that woke him up in the morning and yet also helped him to sleep at night. It was a feeling that was reminded to him through all little things. Through little things that he associated with Lilith. He could no longer enter the Forbidden Forest without indulging himself in the sweet cherry aroma that lingered in the frosted air, the scent that had been so prominent on Lilith danced with his senses, inviting him to waltz eternally. He could no longer look out his window to watch the sunrise or the sunset without desperately hoping that there would be a much brighter and burning light waiting for him on the balcony next door. Lilith had embedded herself into Severus' entire routine without even physically being part of it, she was a constant thought on his mind and he would do anything to remove all other thoughts to allow himself to think about her.

Only her. Only ever her.

Severus knew the exponential nature of emotions, it wasn't that he didn't know how to feel them he just never knew how to control them. When being faced with an outburst of so many emotions simultaneously, it was overwhelming. That's what Lilith was. She was an overwhelming sense of comfort just as much as she was witty, perhaps occasionally irritable... maybe more irritable than witty. But it was her. She was everything she was meant to be because no matter how overwhelmed she made Severus feel, not once did he ever consider leaving. Instead it made him draw closer to her. He searched in her soul for everything he was missing and she held it all, the understanding, the patience, the humanity, and the love.