𝑨 𝑻𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯 𝑶𝑭 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟑𝟓: 𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐨𝐠𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

LILITH HAD CLOSED her door leaving Severus standing alone. His eyes shifted to the floor as he swallowed hard trying to mask his disappointment.

She was beyond being within her rights to not want to hear Severus out but he still needed her to know. Everything she said tugged at his mind and pulled greater at his heart. He truly had hurt her. He had aided Voldemort at the expense of Lilith and that was something he couldn't even forgive himself for, let alone Lilith forgiving him.

When Voldemort had initiated his test, it was evident from the start that Lilith was his test. Voldemort would have never proposed Severus as Lilith's test unless he believed that something was to come from it. Voldemort had felt threatened by the affection that they shared and he sought to remove it by the only means he was ever capable of. Through destruction. Through darkness. Through deceit and betrayal. To Lord Voldemort, betrayal was something that he would never hesitate to do. If it meant that he would undoubtedly benefit and excel as a consequence, he would betray anyone in a flash.

Severus knew that Voldemort wanted to know the extent of Severus' and Lilith's intimacy, how close they were connected and to what extent they could maintain that connection through all obstacles Voldermort would throw their way. With Severus and Lilith being connected in more ways than just through Lord Voldemort, it meant that his power, his authority over them both was compromised. It was compromised because there would always remain the possibility that they would choose each other over the Dark Lord. Severus would choose Lilith over anything. But this time, for her protection, he couldn't.

If Voldemort knew how deeply Severus cared for Lilith, he would view Lilith as a threat to Severus' loyalty and complacency. It meant that Severus was no longer thinking solely as evil, it meant that he was allowing himself to feel instead.

It was wrong, what Severus had done. He had to lead Lilith on. Make her vulnerable. Make her comfortable enough around him so that she would tell him her secrets and her intentions. So that Severus could then make Voldemort aware of Lilith's intentions and prove that she was no threat to his power.

Severus needed to make Voldemort think that he had the upper hand, persistently, no matter what. But that was all he had to do; make him think. Just because Lord Voldemort believed that he had the upper hand didn't actually mean he did. Severus had made sure of that just as much as he made sure that his lies were believed by both Lilith and Voldemort.

Voldemort had inserted himself into their lives beyond any way that he should be in it. It meant that Severus and Lilith could never truly have a thought of their own or believe that what they do would go unnoticed. Severus had been living this life for years, which is why he needed Lilith to understand now more than ever that his betrayal to her was not done through malicious intent.

If Lilith wouldn't listen to Severus, he needed to make her see. He already knew what he had to do.

Lilith listened to the retreating footsteps of Severus, she slid down her door, placing her head in her hands. It was all too much. She had escaped from one vicious life and planted herself in another. But this time, she doubted that she would ever be able to escape it.

Parts of her wanted to listen to Severus, to believe him, maybe even forgive him. But the image of an unconscious Mrs Bordeaux had reminded her of the true severity of Severus' actions as well as her own. Together they were an untrusted source of flammability, it was only a matter of time for someone to have been harmed, she just despised the fact that it had to be Mrs Bordeaux.

It made her realise how little she knew about what anything in this life actually was. She had never and could never know what exists on the other side of anything that happens to her or because of her, no matter how good or bad any of it might seem. She felt a foreign, paradoxical sense of helplessness and liberation. She felt helpless because with everything bad that had unfolded before her eyes, there was nothing she could do to change or help it. And her sense of liberation... how could she even comprehend feeling liberated when she was still tied to a game that she was drastically losing to? It was an absurd notion and yet she still couldn't help but feel free. Maybe it came from the fact that she had told Severus that he couldn't control her and expect her to comply with his want for forgiveness. Maybe it was because for the first time in two weeks, her mind had actually settled. The only thoughts being those that she was currently thinking, there was no external pressure, no presentation of darkness in her mind.