𝑨 𝑻𝑶𝑼𝑪𝑯 𝑶𝑭 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑲𝑵𝑬𝑺𝑺

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟓𝟏: 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐈𝐭

LILITH HAD SO desperately tried to not be disheartened over Severus' recoil from her but it genuinely had broken her. He pulled away from her so easily, so effortlessly, so mindfully that she believed he truly didn't want her near him. How could anyone not be offended by that?

Lilith coughed into her arm as the scratch in her throat had returned, in dire need of removing the scratch she lifted the flask of now lukewarm tea to her lips and gulped the remainder of the contents down harshly.

After Severus' rejection she had left his room and returned to her own, seating herself in front of the fire once again to soothe the growing ache that nattered away in her bones. With one hand she sipped at the fresh flask of tea Severus had made and with the other she tugged at the locket around her neck. She hadn't taken it off once. Not at all. She had promised him that she never would and so it stayed around her neck. When she slept, when she ate, reluctantly when she showered, when she found herself on the balcony and even when she was lost in her own mind. It was the only thing to pull her back to reality, to remind her that she was real, that even when she was confused the locket around her neck would be the thing to remind her of everything she was.

A firm hand on her shoulder made her body jolt upright and her hand instantly reach for her head, attempting to rub away the vicious pounding from sitting up too quickly.

"What are you doing?" She tried to speak through a yawn.

"You were sleeping. Again."

She squinted her eyes at him. "I wasn't sleep-" She pulled her vision away from Severus over to the arm chair that she had been sitting in. Except she wasn't in it anymore. Her hands dug deep into the duvet she rested under. She didn't remember getting into bed, let alone falling asleep. "Nevermind." she reasoned, more so with herself.

There was a silence that filled the room, a silence that was loud enough to overpower the cracks and pops coming from the fire. It made Lilith uncomfortable in her delirious state as pulled the duvet closer to her, attempting to comfort her discomfort.

"Is it still not worth it?"

"You know it isn't, Lilith."

That implication did serve both sides. Lilith did know that it wasn't worth it but that didn't make her stop wanting it. Severus was choosing to see only the side he wanted, completely bypassing the other end of things where something not being worth it turns into something entirely worth it. Where deprivation meets unity and rejoice, as both senses suss out the other, questioning themselves whether anything truly was worth it. She wanted to be worth it. To Severus and to herself. She respected Severus for what he was saying, as she said, he was right of course. But part of her wished that he didn't want to be right all the time, part of her wished he would dive into cold waters and risk something that was worth being risked. But apparently, Lilith wasn't worth that risk. Her sigh intertwined with the steam from her tea as she feigned interest in the floor.

"With Mira gone, we can leave for Crystal Cave tomorrow."

We.

Crystals Cave with the addition of Mira, was something that Lilith was set out to do alone. Even though Mira didn't know about the cave, it simply wasn't worth her remembering a fine detail that Voldemort would instantly recognise to be the cave. Maybe that was the extent of care Severus could show. He didn't need to go with Lilith and yet he was choosing to.

Lilith lifted herself from out of the bed and walked over to the chair where she left her boots, placing one shoe idly beside its accompanying foot.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk."