The Arrogance of Elegance

Part the Fifteenth

I rushed inside the house as the rain started pounding into the porch. Reddington shut the door behind me, taking my shawl and getting me a blanket without a word. I then rushed upstairs to get Claudia to help me undress and get into dry clothes. I stared at myself in the mirror, appalled at the sight. My cheeks were red and tear-stained, my previously curled hair lay flat and matted on my head, and my eyes held guilt. I was a mess.

I knew all of Nicolas's accusations were true—though the one about me throwing myself at men was not. I was appalled he brought up Cecelia Brown's ball. He should have known that I was pushed over the edge by Cecelia's taunts. "You will never find a husband if you are standing alone in a corner all the time, Magdelline," Cecelia's voice echoed through my head. I shook my head as I remembered how I intended to show her that I could indeed get men to follow after me. After an evening of flirting, dancing, and such, I remember by chance meeting Nicolas's gaze. He was disappointed, shaking his head at me. I had never felt more ashamed in a moment—until today, of course.

I sat down at my desk, taking a deep breath. I had to sort through this mess I made, but I didn't feel ready to face the anger and disappointment of Audra and Nicolas. I had to do something. I had to get away. I had to process all that had happened so I can rise up from my mistakes. But how could I gather up enough courage to face them after I had been so wrong? There was a knock at the door. I turned to see Claudia opening the door to lead Papa into the room. Claudia curtsied and left us to a quiet room.

"Oh, Delly, you've been crying," Papa commented, rushing to my side. I stood up to face him as tears threatened to spill as well.

"Papa, I— I don't know what to do," I said, shaking my head as tears formed in my eyes. "I messed up. I was rude to Audra. I insulted her and she is angry with me."

"I'm sure this will clear up," Papa said, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, thankful for the embrace. "Have you apologized?"

"I don't think I can face her yet," I said with a sob. "Or Nicolas."

"What do you mean, girl?" he asked, holding me from an arm's length.

" I met Nicolas while I was out on a walk and we had a bad fight. He accused me of so many things—rightly for the most part—but all I could do was keep up the facade and make things worse. I feel as if any chance has fallen apart in front of me."

"Any chance of what, dear?" Papa asked, looking deeper into my eyes. My hitched sob seemed to give him a realization. "Chance with Nicolas? Oh, dear child, I had no idea you liked him that way."

"I don't know what to do," I said, putting my face in his shoulder.

"Since you can't face Audra or Nicolas at the moment, may I recommend you take up the position your sister offered you?"

"The governess position?" I asked, sniffing slightly as I looked up at Papa. "Would I even be good at that?"

"You love your nieces and nephews, am I correct?" Papa asked as I nodded slowly. I found the children to be loud and annoying at times, but they held a dear place in my heart. "Then you will do the job well."

"It would be nice to see Marjorie," I said softly, missing my elder sister.

"And John," Papa added a twinkle in his eye.

"Now I'm sold," I replied with a laugh as I wiped tears from my eyes. "I shall write her immediately. I'll probably stay through Christmas."

"As long as you send your old man a Christmas letter, I shall be fine," Papa said, planting a kiss on my forehead. "This shall indeed be good for you. To think things through away from the whole situation and to be with your sister and her family."

"Indeed, Papa," I said as I kissed his cheek. "Thank you."