The Arrogance of Elegance

Part the Twenty-Fifth

I stared at Nicolas, taking a deep breath as he stalked forward before glancing at Audra who was leading the children out of the room.

"Why would you let her in here?" Nicolas fumed in a whisper, though I could still hear it. "After all she's done—"

"I'll be outside if you need me," Audra said, ignoring her brother's question as she led the children out of the room. Anne looked at me one last time before giving me a smile.I closed my eyes as the sound of the closing door seemed to echo in my ears. Lord, hear my prayer. Give me strength to bear it. Help me not utter a word, much like how you didn't utter a word, except, well... I deserve this. Lord, help me.

"What are you doing here?" Nicolas said, words like thorns, which made me open my eyes slowly. He stood over by the door, setting his hat on a table against the wall.

"Audra invited me for tea," I said, gesturing to the tea. "I was taking my nieces through the dress store and—and she happened to be there."

"What on earth did you say that could make her forgive you so easily?" Nicolas asked, walking across the room to the fireplace. "I'm sure you and your manipulative mind found her an easy target to draw back in, yes?"

It took everything in me to not get angry and yell at him. How could he be so bitter and rude? Well, how could I have been so in the past? Lord, help me.

"I sent her a letter apologizing for my cruel behavior while I was in London," I stated, slowly, taking a deep breath. "And once again, I apologized when I saw her in the store. And no, my intent was not to draw her back in, as you say. In fact, I was in every way ready to accept that I had lost my friend."

"Did you happen to explain to her your lies and manipulations about the invitation?" Nicolas said, turning to face me. "Or do you still deny it?"

"I do not deny it," I said, feeling tears threaten to spill. "I have been cruelly deceitful and manipulative in which I explained in my letter to your sister. I only hope you will accept my apology for lying to you and continuing to uphold those falsehoods in order to save myself. It was wrong of me, and no true friend would do that."

I looked up at Nicolas who seemed startled at my apology. It seems he came, ready for a fight, but only got an agreement.

"And I do hope you know that it was Cecelia who urged me to flirt with the men, Nicolas," I said, looking away. "I was barely fifteen and wasn't used to the attention or the pressure. But I feel that it is not something you should hold against me due to it not affecting you at all. So, there you have it. Have I addressed all of my mistakes or have I missed one that needs some light on?"

"Why did you dance with Lord Graham of all people?" Nicolas said shaking his head. "You've never liked him and—"

"Is it rude to accept a dance when it is offered?" I said, quietly. "Not to mention, I told him that he should dance with his own sister instead of leaving her in a corner. I will admit, I was a bit jealous that I had not had a dance partner and you were dancing with Lord Graham's sister, so dancing with whoever asked was the best option."

"Alright," Nicolas said, sitting down on a chair by the fireplace before gesturing to the one across from him. "What of Mr. Wright?"

"I was rude," I said, gulping. "He annoyed me and I let my annoyance get the best of me. All he wanted to talk about was his travels, and all I wanted to do was talk of myself or things I liked. So, I reacted rashly. I apologize for belittling your friend, Mr. Burns."

We were left in silence. I didn't know what was going to happen.

"But why all the lying? All the manipulation?" Nicolas asked, gaze softening. "I've thought about it over and over and cannot seem to get an answer."

"I—" I flushed wondering how much I should tell him. "I had heard from my father that Mr. Burns would be out of town before Audra's party, and I thought he meant you. So, I wanted to make sure I saw you before you left. I didn't want another four years to pass without seeing you again. And when you caught on, I dug myself into a hole of white lies. It was wrong of me and I'm very sorry."

"You could have just asked," Nicolas said, leaning forward. "Audra and I are your good friends. We would've understood."

"You and I are not as close as you think, Nicolas," I said, sighing. "Four years does a lot to some people. You are now an eligible bachelor, and I am a gentleman's daughter. If we continued our friendship in the way it had been, do you realize how it could have looked?"

"But you didn't have to lie and be deceptive—"

"Will you just accept it, Nicolas?" I said, shaking my head before standing up. "God has forgiven me, your sister and parents have forgiven me, and I have even forgiven myself, yet it seems that you are the only one who does not. I should leave. I fear I've overstayed my welcome. Goodbye, Mr. Burns."

I curtsied quickly before exiting the room as tears welled up in my eyes. Well, I did it. It was one of the hardest things for me to do, but I did it. I hoped I was not too harsh towards him, but he kept raving on about how I had lied when I already apologized. I wouldn't let him hold it over my head when it was no longer necessary.