Oh Boy! (BL)

14 - The Love That Is Not One (1/3)

"Why didn't you call me?" Parking one block away from my apartment complex, Clay's eyes were empty when looking straight through the windshield. He'd been quiet during the entire drive, while I tried to figure out why he was doing this. He was skipping practice just to take me home...it didn't make sense.

"I..." I tried to catch his gaze but he refused to look my way. "We weren't exactly on good terms when you left..."

"I'm sorry," Clay croaked and ran a hand over his face. "If I hadn't left like that..."

"Clay, no!" Before realizing it, my left hand reached for his arm. "You didn't do anything wrong!"

"I made you feel like you had no one to talk to...I..."

"No!" I squeezed his arm. "That's not true! I just...I didn't know if I should involve you in my mess. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that..."

...when I didn't know how to talk to him anymore.

What I knew with almost a hundred percent certainty was that he would've gotten hurt had he stayed yesterday. Given that his protective side was so strong, I was certain that he would not have hesitated to stop Hayden from hurting me. I shuddered when thinking of what could've happened.

Letting go of Clay's arm, I looked outside the passenger window at the entrance of an abandoned flower shop. First drops of rain painted little dark spots on the sidewalk, pedestrians came rushing past the car in search of a place to take cover. No, I was relieved that Clay hadn't been there. Because if he ever got hurt because of my mistakes, I would never forgive myself.

I sighed. "Well, I'll head home, I guess. Thanks for giving me a ride."

Clay held on to my left sleeve when I attempted to reach for the door handle. "Let me come with you. Please."

If his hand hadn't been shaking as it did at this moment, I would've probably declined. But I didn't. Instead, an idea crossed my mind that painted a shy smile on my face. "I hope you're hungry."

"They gave you a ton of free hospital food?" Clay chuckled when seeing the food containers of all shapes and sizes that were piling up on my kitchen counter – and he hadn't even seen the refrigerator yet. Matt and I had delivered it to my apartment this morning before school. I had no idea what was inside – Lisa had pushed them in Matt's arms right before she headed home herself. And that added up to the fun.

I tried a shy smile and let Clay choose his first container. "Let's just say, I'm on good terms with the nurses."

"Of course, you are," He chuckled, and it made his face look too damn handsome I had to look away before he noticed my blushing face. "I mean, your mom's one of them, after all."

My shoulders fell.

"Where is she, anyway?" He asked while I could hear him carefully opening the lid on his container and the delicious smell of a Turkey and cream cheese sandwich filled the kitchen. By chance, he'd chosen the best meal the North Western Medical had to offer. Guess he was lucky by fate. "Ken?", he asked when I didn't reply.

"Hmm?" I blinked.

There was worry in Clay's voice. "Where is your mom?"

I wanted to tell him the truth so badly. How would he react if I told him? But part of me was afraid that - after revealing one of my secrets - all my resistance would falter. Who would stop me from telling him everything?

Instead, I took my own container – an egg and chives sandwich, not too bad itself – and went to sit down on the sofa. "She's at work."

Clay hesitated before sitting down next to me with a good arm's length separating us.

I could see his lips tighten in disapproval and rushed to add: "I asked her not to stay here with me."

Which didn't make him happier.

Clay opened his mouth...closed it, and suddenly his gaze turned serious.

"What?"

He gulped. "I want to apologize."

I put my sandwich down. "For what?"

"I..." He looked at his hands, back at me. "For...the kiss."

Oh.

I looked down. "You don't have to..."

"But I do!" He ran a hand through his auburn hair. "I shouldn't have done that, Ken. It was wrong."

Maybe it was. But... "The way you acted afterward was worse."

He winced.

"Sorry."

"No, you're right. I was a coward." Silence spread between us, and I felt we'd end up at the same spot we were yesterday evening.

"Can...can we start over?" I shot him a shy look. "I miss talking to you."

Clay sighed. "I miss you, too."

And we smiled.

Sometimes it was as easy as that.

Clay and I spent the remaining afternoon sitting on the sofa, eating surprisingly good hospital food...and watching a movie marathon on abc family. The more time we spent together, the easier it became to talk to him again. And we laughed so much I had a stomachache. That didn't stop me from wondering if there was still room for a chocolate cookie in my belly. Reaching the limits of a food coma, I tried to decipher what Clay was thinking while he picked the blueberries from the muffin he picked accidentally after finishing his third sandwich. Apparently, he hated blueberry muffins.

"You don't have to eat it," I chuckled.

Clay smiled sheepishly after taking one bite only. "I hate blueberries."

I lifted my brows. Blueberry muffins were just about as American as a barbecue.

"Wanna swap?" I asked, shyly offering him my chocolate chip cookie.

"Gosh, please!" he chuckled, and we swapped our deserts. "I don't know how you manage to eat that."

"That's easy." I took a big bite from the muffin Clay had already nibbled on while grinning right into his face.

His gaze lingered on my mouth as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Mhmm, yummy."

Snorting, he shook his head. "Gross."

Clay stayed with me for the most relaxed afternoon I'd had in a while. By the time he left, our friendship was back on track. Not only that but he left a dream for me that wasn't painful for once.

I was at home, and still a child, and mom allowed me to sleep on her lap. Her tender hand was playing with my hair that I'd been wearing longer than most guys my age. She caressed my forehead, my cheeks, and I leaned into her warmth, listening to her words without even knowing what she was saying. It was warm, it was peace, it was home.

After hours of gently caressing my head, she leaned down to me and breathed a feather-light kiss to my forehead and whispered. "I'll see you on Monday."

But that didn't make any sense.