Oh Boy! (BL)

31 - Losing Him (1/3)

!! Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape and Death !!

"Ken, please let me explain."

"He was the reason?" My voice trembled in a mixture of rage and pain.

"No...Ken..."

"For....everything?" Wow, the police took crass measures if they ordered people around to sleep with the people they were supposed to protect. My entire body felt dirty for all the times he'd let me feel pleasure.

"No! God no, Ken!"

When I jumped up, Clay followed. When I walked away from the crowd, he followed. But when I stopped right next to the oak tree, Clay stayed back as if he was afraid of how I would react if he came any closer.

I put my hand on the wet trunk and wondered when I had lost the ability to keep control over my life. How could I let myself believe that for some impossible reason in the universe the stiff borders in our high school hierarchies had bent and made Clay fall in love with me?

But it was all my doing, wasn't it?

I had shown up in that locker room.

I had accepted Holland's deal.

I had forgotten to take that goddamned envelope to the bank.

I laughed but the sound felt bitter in my mouth. Wasn't it stupid? I'd lost myself in a fantasy. Imagined Clay would love me as much as I loved him. He never really said that he loved me, did he? It wasn't his fault that I had jumped to conclusions that any rational thinking human being would've never even considered.

You're pathetic.

Yeah, dad. That's exactly what I was.

"Ken..."

"Did he bribe you to stay with me?" I interrupted him, never looking up from the tree.

"Bribe me? With what?"

Just one name came to my mind. "Caleb Brooks." I felt sick when thinking about that poor boy. "Because you didn't take any action back then."

Clay frowned. "I don't know anyone named Caleb Brooks'"

If I'd been numb before, now it was time for me to get mad. "You don't, huh?" I glared at Clay from under my bangs. "Guess you can't remember all the boys who reached out for help because of these f*ckers."

Clay still didn't seem to know what I was talking about.

"They raped him!" I snarled. "He died because of them, Clay!"

"Rape...That asshole!" Clay was faster by my side than I could react. I resisted against his hold as long as I could but, eventually, he was able to hold my head in place until I had to look at him. "Ken, there is no Caleb Brooks. There never was!"

"How would you know?!" I tried to free myself, but Clay held on. "You can't remember all of the boys who..."

"I remember all of their names. All of their faces." There was so much pain in his eyes, that it was hard not to believe him. But I'd made a fool of myself once too often to believe him. "Do you know what bothered me the most? That your name is on that list."

He leaned his forehead on my shoulder.

"When we brought the case to the police, Detective Dean was the first one we ran into, Ken. He seemed okay - at first - and eager to help us get Drake and the others behind bars." I stiffened but Clay held on. "After he accepted the case, he asked to talk to me alone. He said that your safety might turn out to be a problem because of shortages in their staff..." He shivered. "But then he offered to pay me."