Promises

22. Even 'I Love You' Sounds Like A Lie

All through her childhood, Bella was abused. Physically, verbally and mentally. As she got older, it got worse. Skulduggery would constantly pounce on any opportunity to make her feel like shit about herself.

Most nights, she spent locked away in the comforts of her own room, either with her earphones in, curled up with a book, or writing in her diary.

12th May, 2012

Dear Diary,

How much of myself do I have to give away to get what I want? I'm not even whole anymore. I can only be manipulated so many times before even 'I love you' sounds like a lie. All I need is a little love in the dark, someone to hold me together so I don't have to hold myself together. Am I even loved by anybody? I need a kickstart, a confidence boost from SOMEONE. Somebody please tell me that I'm not alone. Anybody.

All he does is play with me. Just ONCE, I want him to say he needs me. I want him to say that he loves me. I want him to snap out of it and be the father that I've always wanted. Twelve years is too long to be without love. Too long to be the pawn in a villain's evil game.

Yes, I know I'm a murderer. I get it, okay? It's been drummed into my head for so many years now and just... enough.

Tears slipped down her pale, sunken cheeks and landed on the paper. Bella blinked the rest of them back and closed the diary, tucking it away in her clothes drawer along with her pen so it was hidden. If he ever found that... she didn't want to think of what would happen.

Her phone buzzed on the dresser and she wiped away the rest of her tears, moving over to it. She managed a small smile. It was Aibhlinn Firinne, Tanith Low and Ghastly Bespoke's daughter. Aibhlinn was also her best friend.

Bella scooped up her phone and unlocked it, reading the text.

Aibhlinn: 'Hey babe, you up yet? ;)'

She quickly typed back a reply, fingers flying over the keyboard.

'Yeah, I'll meet you in the training rooms in about half an hour.'

She placed the phone back down and went in search of her black protective clothes. Discarding her pyjamas on the floor of her bedroom, she rummaged through the drawers and eventually found them. Then she paused. Her blade was underneath them, shining silver. Her face fell, the urge returning. She stared down at her forearms which were littered with deep scars. Biting her lip, she slammed the drawer closed and tossed her combat clothes onto her unmade bed, running her hands through her long, dark hair.

Bella expelled a loud breath, then got dressed. Just as she was zipping up her jacket, her phone buzzed again.

Aibhlinn: 'Got u an appointment with Rev. You're welcome.'

She sighed irritably. "Damn you, Bespoke..."

Bella typed back another quick reply while she pulled a brush through her tangled hair.

'What time?'

Aibhlinn: 'Midday'

Bella sighed again and tucked her phone away before quickly making her bed. She took a deep breath, and walked out of her bedroom. She hurried downstairs, long hair bouncing on her shoulders as she moved into the kitchen. She pressed her lips together when she found Skulduggery already leaning against the bench, watching her.

"Murderer," he greeted, moving over to the table.

Bella's shoulders slumped and she sighed before walking over to the kettle. She boiled water for Sophie, Gabrielle and herself and turned around, leaning on the bench in the exact same way that Skulduggery had been when she'd walked in. He watched her like a hawk would watch its prey. Feeling quite uneasy, Bella drummed her fingers against her leg, deep in thought.

Relief washed through her when Sophie and Gabrielle walked into the kitchen. Sophie yawned wide, stretching. Skulduggery stared at her, but not with the same amount of hatred as he did when he looked at Bella. In fact, his youngest daughter could see that he loved Sophie.

What was so bad about her? Sure, Gabrielle had told her the story about how Valkyrie Cain had died giving birth to her, but how was that a good enough reason to completely hate your own child?

She unconsciously tugged her sleeve down further to cover up fresh scars and bruises. Gabrielle glanced at her, her blue eyes hard. She looked exhausted and drained. It was almost as if her age had started to catch up with her. Her now pale cheeks were sunken, the dark shadows and bags under her eyes ridiculously prominent. She too had bruises and injuries from constantly fighting her older brother and keeping him from hurting Bella. And even that made the young girl feel guilty. Her aunt shouldn't have had to stand up for her like that and get herself injured. Everything seemed to be her fault. Everything got blamed on Bella. Everything was always Bella's fault.

She sighed, and when the kettle finished boiling, she turned her back on the others and proceeded to make herself a hot milo. Sophie joined her, and when Bella was done, she moved to walk out of the kitchen, feeling like an intruder in her own home with the harsh glares she was receiving from her father.

Sophie watched Skulduggery cautiously. His eyes were narrowed in slits, fists clenching. Bella's back was still facing him. The older girl swallowed thickly, and went to shout a warning but it was too late.

Skulduggery flicked his wrist and Bella hurtled into the door, cracking off it wetly. The cup hit the floor and shattered, the milo spilling out all over the tiles. Gabrielle shouted something that was lost in the chaos as Skulduggery stormed towards his daughter. Bella whimpered and tried pushing herself up, but he was already there. His boot slammed into her stomach, and the breath rushed out of her, leaving her curled up, whimpering and gasping.

"Aidan, knock it off!" Gabrielle snapped, her tone sharp.

He ignored her, lashing out again. The kick slammed into her ribs, and Bella cried out when at least two were broken. She felt one of them scrape against her left lung and winced. Gabrielle slammed into her brother, both of them hitting the tiles and rolling, hurling curses and hissing abuse at one another. Sophie abandoned her own milo and raced to her sister's side, hunkering down with wide eyes. She glanced over her shoulder to see Skulduggery and Gabrielle exchanging punches and death glares.

With astonishing strength, Sophie got both hands under her sister and scooped her up as gently as possible. Bella cried out in pain, tears springing to her eyes.

Skulduggery launched Gabrielle off himself and the younger woman hurtled backwards, slamming into the fridge, her head cracking off it. She slumped and Sophie froze when her father turned to face her. Skulduggery's fierce glare sent chills down the length of her spine, and for a good few moments there was nothing but silence.