A Spotlight Summer (Jack Gilinsky)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jack POV

"I heard you fucked up," Sam said on the other end of the phone.

"I'm not in the fucking mood. Do you know where Kelsey is or not?" I growled.

I need Sam to know where she is. I need Kelsey to be with Jessa so I can go to her. I have to go to her. I have to apologize. I have never felt this way about anyone, ever. I won't let myself fuck it up. Kelsey and I have been through too much to have it end without one more shot. We need one more shot. I need one more shot.

Sam sighed and replied, "She's here at the hospital with me and Jessa."

"Hospital?" my voice croaked.

As soon as the words left Sam's mouth, I was already racing out the hotel room door. My knuckles burned as I clutched my keys in fist, but I barely felt it.

Just like I barely felt it when I punched the solid wall in frustration when I saw Kelsey hadn't returned back to our room.

"Jessa had an asthma attack after we," Sam starts to say something but then changes course. "She's fine and everything. Kelsey is in the room with her now though. Listen, Jack, I don't think you should come here. Kelsey is pretty shaken up and-," I hung up the phone before another word slipped out of his mouth.

My jaw was clenched shut at the thought of Kelsey 'shaken up.' I was to blame. Once again. All I seem to do lately is cause Kelsey pain.

It made me hate myself more than I thought I ever could.

I flashed back to the brazen girl who came into my bar and called me out on my shit in a broken elevator and fought the urge not to punch something else.

When I arrived at the hospital, I didn't have a plan.

It was weirdly like the night I showed up to Kelsey's hotel back in Omaha.

I had no idea what I was doing, but I knew I had to do it.

Maybe I should've constructed a brilliant speech that would make Kelsey forgive me or another extreme gesture to make her forget about what I said. But instead I just rushed into the hospital and somehow made my way to the room Sam had texted. I stood, unmoving, outside and peered in the door. Jessa's purple hair was sprawled onto the white hospital pillow and her hand was reached to the side of the bed where Kelsey sat.

Relief coursed through me seeing Kelsey ok. Even though I knew Sam had said it was Jessa that was hurt, I never got my mind to stop replaying horrible accidents that could land Kelsey in a matching bed next to her best friend. The fear drove me crazy and my regret slashed through me at the mere thought of Kelsey hurt. Call me overprotective, but I would die if the girl I love even got a paper cut.

Without thinking, I walked forward into the room. At the sound of new movement, both girls lifted their heads and met my eyes. When I saw Kelsey, I looked away.

Her hair was a curly mess, her brown eyes maximized to the size of saucers, her makeup smudged, and her cheeks stained with tears.

Her porcelain face was cracked.

And I was the one holding the hammer.

Without a word to one another, Kelsey squeezed Jessa's hand and rose from her chair. I thought about this morning when I managed to gain her forgiveness for my mistake the night before. When I saw her sleeping in bed alone, I knew-with the utmost certainty-that I never wanted her sleeping alone again. She didn't belong alone.

She belongs with me.

She walked right by my paralyzed figure and waited outside the room for me to follow.

When my brain remembered how to command my legs to move, I started to walk. Once Kelsey saw she was in my line of vision again, she began to walk again.

I followed.

We eventually found ourselves outside the hospital in the cloudy California weather. There was a slight chill to the air, forcing goose bumps to rise on Kelsey's fragile arms. I wanted nothing more than to pull her close to me and warm her up.

I wanted nothing more than to pull her close to me and fix all of this.

Kelsey stood expectantly with her arms crossed against her chest. I tried to tell myself the gesture was to keep her warm, but I knew it wasn't true.

I cursed myself for not having a speech planned.

What was I supposed to say?

I debated a string of words in my head while Kelsey's eyes stayed trained on my face, looking, searching, for any type of emotion.

Any type of explanation.

I finally forced myself to speak, my voice coming out dry and cracked. "Kelsey, I am so sorry for what I said earlier."

I paused, knowing she was going to interrupt me with a fiery outburst.

She didn't.

The silence hung in the air until I continued, "I said it in the heat of the moment and I didn't mean it. You could never come second to me. I've just been under a lot of pressure and I'm not sure how to handle it all. I'm lashing out at you and I hate myself for it."

Kelsey still didn't waver.

"You mean more to me than anyone in the world. When Sam told me you were at the hospital, I...," my voice trailed off. I forced myself to swallow and pull it together.

I was deathly afraid that I wouldn't be able to.

That's when I saw it.

Kelsey's fingers loosened their tight grip on her arms. They moved, ever so slightly.

Kelsey's gaze dropped to the ground and she pretended to be overly interested in the nail polish on her toes. She curled her toes and then uncurled them. Then, she separated her arms from one another.

Her eyes traveled back up to mine and she said, "My dad called before. I'm supposed to have dinner with him tonight."

Neither of us moved.

Sirens blared in the distance, doors opened and closed, people came in and out, and we remained still throughout it all. Chaos was ensuing around us and we couldn't bring ourselves to break our conversation.

Because if the conversation broke- if our standoff broke-we both knew that we would break.

"He's in LA for business. I know you have a show later tonight but-,"

I hastily stepped forward and was washed with relief when Kelsey didn't step back. "I'll be there."

Kelsey slowly nodded and her hair fell from behind her ear and in front of her face. I reached my hand out and brushed away the soft locks and returned them behind her ear. When my fingers connected with her skin, I couldn't find any will to draw them away. They brushed across her ear and then found their way to her cheek. When I felt Kelsey lean into my touch, I knew everything between us would be ok.

When I pulled Kelsey into me for a hug, I tried not to notice her hesitancy.

I tried not to notice our different expressions-mine one of love, relief, and shame.

Hers one of worry, indecisiveness, and defeat.

A/N: Double update coming your way! I will post the next chapter later on today. I was so sad while writing this chapter, so show it some love.

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