A Spotlight Summer (Jack Gilinsky)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Jack POV

I have a show in thirty minutes.

And I'm standing outside in the pouring fucking rain watching Kelsey get in a car and drive away from me.

From us.

I dated Sara for years before we broke up. I had my first kiss with Sara. I lost my virginity to Sara. And my breakup with her didn't feel anything like this. I didn't feel regret and shame and guilt even after all the time we had spent together.

I have known Kelsey for less than three months. She was not my first kiss. I did not have sex with her. And our breakup left me shattered.

It was different with Kelsey. It will always be different with Kelsey. Maybe it was her city charm or the way she looked in my flannel or how good her body felt against mine pressed onto my jeep.

I don't care that I have a show in thirty minutes.

I have to get her back.

Our hotel looked dim and abandoned in the dark night. The once bustling lobby was uninhabited and the large pool was cleared out because of the harsh weather. I trudged to the elevator, my shoes squeaking on the pristine floors and my wet clothes leaving small puddles behind me. I pressed the small button in front of me and waited for the large doors to open.

There are some instances on a day to day basis that I remember certain moments that happened with Kelsey while we were still in Omaha. If we pass a body of water, I'll remember us fishing. If we see a pool table, I'll remember her showing up all the guys in the bar on her first day. These moments come back as flashes, nothing more than a small memory that I smile at and move on.

This memory did nothing but deepened the lines on my forehead. As I stepped into the elevator, I remembered how our relationship truly started. The elevator in her shit hotel broke down and she called me out for my ignorant vocabulary and my 'superiority complex.' She had implied that I thought I was entitled to certain things because of my success. I had argued with her and promised myself that I would prove her wrong.

And after all this time, I did nothing but prove her right.

I thought I could let her wait for me while I adhered to my professional duties. I thought I could expect her to stay with me even when I wasn't around a lot. I assumed she would always forgive me for things that I did wrong.

I may have not realized this an hour ago, but now it was all I could think about as I rode in the silent elevator by myself.

I wasn't being fair to her and her feelings. I should have treated her better. I should have treated her like I loved her instead of throwing her aside when I had other things to do.

I know that now.

I'm no longer going to make empty promises that I clearly can't keep. But I can explain—just one more time—and get Kelsey to hear what I'm saying.

I can't lose her.

I will never forgive myself if I lose her.

I am not going to lose her.

The doors finally sprung open and I raced out of the confining space. My heart rate began to accelerate as I practically ran to our hotel room.

Kelsey was probably in there crying and I wanted nothing more than to make her stop and forgive me. I didn't want to make her sad anymore. I wanted to stop her tears and bring back that vibrant smile I lived to see back in Omaha.

My shaky hands fumbled with my room key as I forced the card into the small slot. The door clicked open and I hesitantly walked inside. The room was quiet. There was no movement, no blast from the TV, and no sobs like I had expected. The only sound I heard when I walked in was a zipper. My mind, too overwhelmed to process anything at the moment, didn't find this odd. I raced forward anyway and prepared to give my ultimate speech I planned in the car on the way over.

My mouth opened and then my eyes registered the scene before me. My mouth closed quickly and then suddenly opened again as I blurted out, "What are you doing?"

Kelsey's head shot up and when she saw my face, she looked back down.

At her suitcase.

Kelsey, now wearing a pair of shorts and a hoodie, headed into the bathroom and returned seconds later with another packed bag. She had brought her large suitcase in from the bus and now stood before me with all her luggage that she took on tour.

Her long hair was falling out of the messy ponytail she threw it into as she hoisted her carryon bag to rest on top of her massive suitcase.

"I'm leaving," she replied calmly.

I frantically searched for something spectacular to say that would get her to stay, but the only thing I could manage was, "What?"

Kelsey's shoulders visibly slacked and she said, "I'm staying with Jessa tonight and then I'm getting on a flight tomorrow afternoon."

New York.

She was going back to New York.

Kelsey began to wheel her suitcase toward the door but I deliberately stepped in her path.

"You can't go."

Kelsey looked up at me with sad eyes. "Yes I can." She took one last look around the room and then continued, "There's no reason for me to be here anymore."

My eyebrows formed a V and my voice shook when I exclaimed, "I'm here!"

Kelsey, instead of raising her voice or attempting to fight back—instead of trying to fix things—, she just lightly shook her head.

Anger boiled inside of me. How could she just give up on us? How could she let everything that has happened between us go? How could she leave me?

"So you're gonna leave? Just like that?" I argued.

Again, there was no emotion on Kelsey's face. It was like my words weren't even registering with her.

She was completely and utterly defeated.

"You can't do this," I started. "You can't make me choose between you and my fans. You can't give me the ultimatum of you or them. I won't choose. I can't choose."

Kelsey finally met my eyes and whispered, "But see, that's the thing, Jack. It shouldn't be an ultimatum if I'm the girl you love."

I stood speechless and frozen as Kelsey wheeled her suitcase around me. As she walked past me, I noticed that she left something slung across the back of a chair. When I saw the blue dress Kelsey wore both times I abandoned her, I knew she left it there for a purpose. It was to send a message.

I tore my eyes away from the piece of clothing and turned to see Kelsey hesitating at the door. Her hand was clasped around the knob, yet she didn't move. Hope fluttered in my chest and I dared to think that she had come to her senses. I dared to think that she would come back to me.

Kelsey, still holding the doorknob, moved her body so it was facing me. The hope that had been nesting in my chest was shot down when I saw her expression. It was different from the one in the rain. Before, she had emotion—she had fear and anger and sadness in her face. Now, it was blank. It was swiped clean with understanding and acceptance.

"And it seems to me you chose just fine," Kelsey ended. She slung open the door and exited the hotel room with all her bags.

In that moment, future was resolute.

Kelsey was gone.

And so was our relationship.

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