Starting Over

Chapter 24: This House Doesn't Feel Like Home

I know they're here.

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of this family. I'm sick of being the black sheep.

Veronica, Loren, and I are all upstairs in the guest room.

"How pissed are your parents going to be?" Loren asks

"Very, but don't worry. I've got you." I assure her. Why do I have her? Because if they start yelling at her I'll take the blame. It was my idea. The thing with my them though is that they blame everyone else but themselves. They are the problem.

When we walk downstairs they're going to yell at Veronica and Loren. I know it.

The door opens. It's Austin. They seriously called him. This isn't that serious.

"They're waiting." He tells us. I just nod. I know Austin he's a coward. He won't stand up for me. He won't tell them how much better I'm doing. He will just agree with everything they say.

As soon as we walk down the stairs. I make eye contact with Chase. He gives me a smile. Then I look at Gabe he's holding my dog and petting her. Lastly I look at Hayden and he looks shocked. He mouths "Lawson?" To me. That makes me laugh but then I remember what situation I'm in.

"It's not that big of a deal." I say turning to face my parents. I see my brothers standing behind them. Seth is glaring at me. What's his problem?

"It's not that big of a deal? Are you serious?" My mother screams at me which makes everyone in the room uncomfortable. Including Dixie.

"It's not." Veronica says picking her head up and not showing fear. My parents feed off fear.

"Veronica shut up!" Seth yells at her.

"No, Seth! You shut up and stay out of it! You shouldn't even be involved in this!" I yell at him.

"I shouldn't? Are you serious right now? You promised you would show up to my game. But you didn't because you're Taylor and Taylor doesn't do shit for anyone but herself. You owed me after everything I've done for you. I saved you." He fires right back at me. We're not letting anyone talk around us.

"You saved me? Maybe I didn't want to be saved." I admit and that brings tears to my mother eyes. He was referring to finding me bleeding from my wrist. I try to kill myself because I didn't want to be alive. Am I grateful that he found me? Yes because I regret doing it. At the time though I didn't regret it I did it for a reason. "Seth you didn't once think about how I felt being back. You just bullied me into coming."

"Enough with the victim act! Doesn't it ever get exhausting?" My father asked "Your brother just wanted his sister here, but you always have to make everything about you."

"I always have to make everything about me? Really? Says the man who claims to be the reason for his son's fame. Did you ever once think that Austin or Seth earned the spot on the team? You didn't do shit! All you did was sleep with younger woman and show up to their games when you needed too. You did absolutely nothing!" I yell at him.

"Stop it! Taylor! Stop it!" My mother begs with tears in her eyes. I guess I crossed a line bringing in my fathers affairs.

"Don't even get me started on you. You are any and everything I don't want to be."

"You don't mean that." Austin speaks now.

"I don't mean that? I really do. Mom shows me everyday how not to end up. She's stuck in the marriage and she won't leave! She could have a better life! Do you really think I want to be like that? I don't want to be like any of you. This isn't a family. We may be blood, but I have no clue why I consider you all family. You've never been there for me. You are only there for me when I hit rock bottom. You take all the credit for my healing, but in reality none of you did shit. Seth before you say something all you did was ruin me more by saving me. I can't keep living like this. So I won't. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Anytime I'm around any of you all you do is break me down. I'm so sick of it. You all treat me like I'm fragile. While I walk on eggshells around all of you. When I leave Kentucky today, I may never come back, but just know if I do you won't see me. I'm done." I confess my feelings I let everything I've ever been holding i out and it feels so good. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

We all just head out and towards the car but before I make it out the door we all turn around at my fathers voice. "If you walk out, you're done I'm cutting you off! You will pay all of your bills!"

"I already do that!" I tell him.

"You will have no money and when you call begging for some you won't get any!" He threatens.

"Maybe you've forgotten but grandma left everything in my name because she knew you all would ruin me. So I'm rich for life and don't need any of your dirty money." I say before turning around and walking out.

Veronica pulls me into a hug. "I love you and you're the strongest person I know. You will find yourself again and when you do I will be right there with you. Call me when you make it back she whispers before getting in her car. Gabe drove it over. He picked it up when he picked my dog up.

I sit in the passenger seat and watch the only home I've every known become a place.

The car is dead silent and I feel like it's my fault.

I want to say something to them but would what I say? I can't apologize for my parents behavior because I hate when people apologize for others.

I won't apologize for mine because I feel so much better.

I know I won't feel good in a couple of days because I won't be getting checked up on or talking to them.

They're in the past now.

It's time for my "Starting Over" era.

______
8/13/21
12:39am

Edited and Published: 8/13/21 @ 9:57am

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