it felt like i couldnt breath anymore. i didnt know where i was going to but i was just driving and driving nonstop. this can not happen again, i can not lose her again i just cant. shes the reason why i havent lost my shit from everything around me. she makes me so happy. i dont think i could ever find what we have with someone else, i dont even want to be with anyone else except her.
i took in a deep breath to contain myself from crying. i dont like crying, i never did. i gripped the steering wheels so tight my knuckles started turning white. i dont know what came over me but i just couldnt continue the conversation we were having. i think the reason why i left is because i didnt want to hear the end of that conversation, i couldnt bring myself to hear the end of it. i needed time, i dont know how long but i just needed time.
i suddenly found myself at theos house, i parked the car and slumped down into the chair and covered my face with my hands. the lights of the house was on so they are probably home, i placed my hands down and grabbed my phone. there were a couple of missed calls from izzie, 5 to be exact. i sighed and went to thoes contact and hesitated on whether i should call or not.
suddenly i heard on knock on my window that made me jump. i looked over and it was theo, who had a worried look on her face, just as i was about to roll down the window she walked to the other side of the car and got in the passenger seat. "i saw your car from the window, dad thought it was a stalker" she chuckled lightly then after a bit cleared her throat, "whats going on?" she asked now more worried cause now she saw how red my eyes were.
"umm...she wants to break up- or like um take a break." i said looking out the window trying my hardest not to cry. "oh my god, why what happened?" she asked. i felt bad putting her in these types of situations, well because she always told me 'she doesnt know how to comfort people' and i fully understand that, thats why i hesitated on calling her. "um it a long story involving her mom and shit...and well it led to this." i said and looked at her.
"i already lost her once..i cant lose her again theo" i said as i felt myself staring to tear up again but i held myself together the best that i can. "well what did you tell her?" she asked and i shrugged "i just left, i couldnt continue that conversation because i didnt want to hear what she had to say at the end" i said as i started to bit the ends of my fingers getting anxious, because i wouldnt know how we can continue this conversation later on.
she shook her head and took in a deep breath before grabbing my hand away from my face and held it, "you have to go talk to her casey, tell her what you actually feel. i always believed everything happens for a reason and i know it hurts sometimes but you never know what the future holds" she said as she stares at our hands then back to my eyes with a weak smile, i sighed and nod lightly. "ill always be here for you, just like you've been here for me since i moved here." she said and tugged on my hand lightly and smiled.
"thanks you" i said with a weak smiled, she nods and looks down once again at our hands. "always." she said.
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i sighed loudly as my finger was hovering over the call button. i couldnt bring myself to press it because i was really scared and nervous. its already the next day and all ive been doing is hiding in my room all day and looking at the call button on izzies contact.
i heard a knock on my door and i immediately closed my phone and looked up at the door. "hey casey, mom said dinner is ready" sam said and he walked in the room. "im not hungry sam." i said and looked up at him. "where is izzie? she always came on Saturday's" he said looking around the room. "she isnt coming today" i said and he nods, "hm, did you guys break up?" he said and looked back at me. "why would you say that?" i asked as i started biting the ends of my fingers again, "because last time you and izzie broke up you were always in your room, and she didnt come on Saturday's for dinner" he said and sat on the bed. i shook my head and looked at him removing my hand from my face, "we didnt break up..we are just in a little fight thats all" i lied and looked down at the sheets. "ok" he said calmly as he stood up and walked out the room. "by the way, mom make butter noodles they are really good so if you want to eat i will tell mom to save some for you" he said turns around and looks at me before closing the door.
i smiled weakly before opening my phone again and immediately pressed on the call button. i held my phone to my ears and took in a deep breath.
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