𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍|ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐʷᵃˢᵗᵃᵏᵉⁿ

trente-trois

act two, scene ten 

⚠tw: self harm mentions (not the actual act)⚠

at age seven y/n watson's christmas wish list consisted of four things: otter pops, singing jump rope, purple justice leggings, and in red under line a powerpuff girls girl power poster. thirteen years later her list became slightly edited. y/n was not foolish enough to not know that this christmas would be different with the absence of her father, the current state of the world, and the tension between her and 2/3 of her brothers. this year if she had bothered writing it out would say: peace, her father, forgiveness, and a masked man who constantly flooded her mind. 

december was a time philza found himself very depressed. december 27th is a date permanently inked into his mind, the day he lost his wife in the incident. it's funny how for majority of his life the date gave no importance and now has swallowed it whole. 

it may have been the most difficult month in the year for philza, but he went to every extent to make sure it was favored by all of his children. and it sure was. 

y/n was dressed in pajama shorts the morning of christmas eve as she arrived in the kitchen. it was her go to relaxed article of clothing. these were a light gray color, the length almost kissing her knee.

 guilt pooled in tommy's stomach as he recognized them as the one's y/n wore to conceal her scars. she hasn't worn them since she was seventeen. 

"oh um," y/n awkwardly fiddled with the jaw string of her bottoms, "normally you eat later..i can come back later." 

"no!" tommy exclaimed and y/n gave him a glance of confusion, "just stay..please?"

"uh sure?" y/n pulled out a chair, concerned and cautious at his levels of enthusiasm. 

tommy sighed, perhaps he was too harsh on her recently. he leaned forward, lifting his cusped hands onto the table. "look..i'm sorry about recent behavior."

"oh..it's fine," y/n shrugged, slightly taken aback at his sudden apology after weeks of bitching, "so..that's all?" 

"well no not exactly.." 

"so what else then?" y/n swung her legs over the new bench techno put in place last monday. 

tommy inhaled sharply, "well er..your shorts." 

y/n stopped tipping the lucky charms box forward into the crater of her bowl, blinking straight at tommy. 

at age fifteen y/n began to share similar feelings with her father circling the month of december. it was around the time her relationship with schlatt turned sour. their once chaste kisses became forced and she would cringe at the alcohol aroma of his breath. he no longer had hangovers despite the large amount of alcohol he swallowed, every breath of air he spent uncapping the next drink. in his drunk state schlatt would say foul things to her. after some time they bled into her head and her veins grew thick with utter hatred for herself. drinking was schlatt's method of coping and so slitting her thighs became hers. they looked so pretty caked in blood. 

tommy was only twelve and a half when he found his older sister on the bathroom floor, drenched in her own blood. out of panic at y/n's lack of consciousness he called in their father. she was taken to the hospital where her deep cuts where stitched. from one to 1012 days clean, slowly her heart became sewn as well. but that was all down the drain now. 

tommy was surprised as soft sobs passed through his sister's lips. but he did not let himself be strained back, he moved quick on his feet, crouching beside her. 

"hey, hey what's wrong?" tommy gently asked. 

"i'm sorry," y/n sniffed, "i've been good for so long. but it was..it was all too much." 

"can you describe to me what led up to when you.." tommy winced trying to find less ugly words, "when you did what you did?" 

"it was all too much," y/n repeated, shaking her head, "i felt so alone. i can't see dad. dream hates me..wilbur hates me..you hate me." 

"i don't hate you," tommy softly corrects. 

y/n ignores him, "and there was this little voice in my head..telling me i deserved to be punished for what i did. and i know it sounds silly, but the voice felt like my only friend. and so i did what it asked." 

"well how about," tommy speaks, "when you hear that..voice in your head you do that method your therapist taught you..what's it called? oh yes, the butterfly method! the one where you draw the butterflies on the patch of skin where you self harm. so then hopefully you won't feel tempted to hurt the butterflies..sound good, yeah?"

"yeah..sounds good." 

"good," tommy nudges her, "and hey i love you, you know?" 

"i love you too, tom tom," y/n weakly smiles. 

"c'mere," tommy demands and y/n obliges, falling into his chest. 

the siblings just hold each other for a moment until raised voices catch their ears. out of bubbling curiosity they decided to follow the root of the sound which lead them to the entrance of the cave. 

"give me one reason why i shouldn't kill your right now," technoblade crossed his arms. 

"because you couldn't do that to y/n," the second voice spoke, a man's, one she knew all to well. 

y/n launched herself into the scene to make sure her eyes were collaborating with her ears and sure enough they were. 

"dream?" 

p.s 

-self harm helpline: TEXT 741741 

-i have been going on a sad dnf reading binge and i think i will make one once i finish this book (no where close tho lol). feel free to leave depressing dnf books and author suggestions some:)) it's a coping method i swear-

-i'm not mentally or physically prepared for school starting. especially pe BARK BARK

-i figured out how to bridge in bedwars💪💪💪fight me 

i LOVE you.