Violet Shadows

47

Eric wasn't foolish enough to validate her actions. Or question them. Under the guise of understanding, he held his tongue in a knot to demand more. But, at least at that moment, he kept quiet so that she could speak. As a friend would do.

Christine's voice was both haunting and empty. "She was always talking about killing herself. You panic the first time you hear it, because you never imagine that a person could ever be thinking that. She seemed so normal." Christine tried getting her help, or offering that Violet help herself, and while Violet brushed those suggestions aside, being able to cope with those thoughts herself, she could have done more. Maybe—maybe the way she spoke about help felt like a suggestion. An idea. Not an attempt to save her life. Christine pulled herself closer to her knees, the shame swallowing her whole. "But after the tenth time, it feels like it's just for attention. We had a fight and I snapped. I told her to do it. And then she did."

It was why Stephen hated her. Blaming her as much as she blamed herself for the death of Violet. The night of her passing, Christine was triumphant as a king winning a war when she bit back into their relationship, unfazed by the recital missed. It all but faded the moment she realized what her selfishness had done. 

That was the last time she saw Stephen. It had been months since then.

"She sounds lovely," Eric said, a quiet flush spreading through his expression as he moved. This time towards her. "And I'm sure she loved you very much. As much as you love her."

"Then I guess broke her heart when we fought, over the stupid argument I caused," The bitterness spread across her tongue, bearing her words as swords. "She would have been alive if I hadn't said anything."

"Her suicide was not your fault."

Heat burst across her mouth, burning her eyes. "Don't you dare start—"

"I know you're grieving, but please listen." Eric interrupted, making good use of the short distance to squeeze her hands even if they trembled. Even if a part of her pulled away at that warmth. "Regardless of things we say or actions we do, you can't control someone."

"She was in pain." Her voice broke on the last words, eyes reddening as the cold wash of humiliation ran through her. "I could have done something."

"I'm sure Violet was in pain," He agreed, his voice soft and gentle, "But it was her decision on how to end that pain. She wasn't thinking of you when she decided to end her life. She wasn't thinking of her parents, or the aftermath of that decision. She wanted the pain to end, and in her mind, that desire was greater than the will to live."

Tears were damping her cheeks, and Christine broke their hands to swipe at them. Embarrassment and shame mixed with Eric watching the absolute mess of her. The ache in her chest moved to her throat, making it hard to breathe. She was filled with disgust at the idea of anyone watching her like this, covering her face in haste. Sorrow always traced deep within her thoughts, and she was unable to drag herself out of that misery once it began.

Eric said quietly, "You are not responsible for your friend's death."

You are not responsible for your friend's death.

No one had ever told her those words. Even then, she saw the growing worry in his eyes flickering like a new-born flame. It frightened her. Hurrying to compose herself, Christine started by looking away in poor effort for the sea to distract her. "So," She said, swiftly changing the topic, "What were you doing before finding me?"

"Celebrating Nicol's birthday," He supplied in equal measure, easing himself with the change in conversation, "You should join us. Give everyone their letters.

She wiped at her face, doing her best to keep the scratchiness from her voice."Today's his birthday? There's no way I can show up now."

Lost for an excuse, he asked, "Why not?"

"His birthday should be about him and not about whether or not he'll forgive me." Her chin dropped and she stared at her worn shoes, the same pair she'd been using for months on end to save for her trip. "I don't want to remind him of it—I'll just show up tomorrow. With a gift." She added, for careful instruction.

His pale mouth twitched upwards in a small smile. "Do you even know what you're going to get him?"

"Something sweet because I know it'll piss him off, but as for the sentimental part..." She made a small, apprehensive noise. She was low on funds—but after so much distance between them without contact, his gift needed to overlook the dull apologetic letter she wrote. She often wondered about the things he would enjoy, as wealth is never a companion, but a guest.

Eric was studying her stony expression, rattling a sigh that could be mistaken for a breathy laugh. He reassessed the circumstances, coming up with something to soothe the perplexion swarming the air. "I heard he loves flowers."

Her face quickly turned flat. "You are so intelligent."

"Tomorrow then," Eric said, settling himself against her in comfort. After so long, it was hard for Christine to convince herself that the isolation drained out the deep pit of her heart where loneliness ebbed. And Eric, grey and all, seemed as content as she. "Visit us tomorrow," He repeated himself, should she run away again.

"Tomorrow," She agreed, not planning to.

Tomorrow.

—❀—

This chapter was shorter but I have been trying my hardest to push forth the plot instead of keeping it on and on with useless information. I mean, we're already at chapter 47 and Clara hasn't arrived-

*currently sobbing at my pacing issues*

This chapter was the hardest for me to write. Suicide is an extremely difficult topic to write about and deal it. Especially since the aftermath tends to affect those around the person of interest. It would be incredibly insulting to write things off half-heartedly and not explore the realistic grieving people go through.

I did a lot of research on the best response for those who have known someone who committed suicide. This subject should be treated delicately (this ain't no 13 reasons why) and for that I hope my response has helped any victim in need.

Violet is the core of Christine's arc. She is the reason why our main character is the way she is, and why she has this complex that she is being selfish.

If you need help, we are here for you.

Call 1-800-273-8255 

Or

Visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org

-Mel

—❀—

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