Hiraeth [GxG]

Chapter 23

I feel like I am sitting at the kitchen table eating with my worst fears. It's every meal too. From the time I wake up in the morning, we have breakfast together, to the middle of the day when we have lunch, and when night comes, we have dinner. Each fear speaks itself out loud. It gets to the point where all my fears speak at once, and I feel like I'm going crazy.

I keep hearing them say how Mila's going to die, how the virus won't stop until it kills everyone I love, how the kids will blame me for not protecting them and their mom, how Mila's mom will blame me too. They tell me it's all my fault and I failed. I failed at being a loving and protecting wife and soulmate. That Mila despises me for everything that happened.

They keep talking one by one after the other until they all start talking at the same time. It gets to the point where they are talking over each other, and then they are yelling over each other. The words being yelled are rattling off my brain at such an excessive force, I feel they could break through my skull. They just won't stop.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" I yelled out in frustration. Not only was there frustration in that shout, but there was also pain laced throughout it.

"Hey, it's okay." I felt arms keep me from falling onto my knees. I looked up and saw Lance's blurred face through my tears.

"It's not okay, Lance. Nothing is okay. She's dying, Lance. There is no cure, and there's nothing I can do to save her." I felt my legs completely give out on me as I went to my knees on the floor. "I was supposed to protect her, Lance. I was supposed to keep us all safe. I fucking promised." I punched the floor and watched it crack underneath my fist. I grabbed my head tightly and started rocking back and forth.

"It's all my fault. It's all my fault." I just whispered this to myself and kept repeating it over and over. I felt a presence sit beside me and pull me in tightly towards them.

"It's not your fault, Emma. We both know Mila wouldn't blame you either. The only thing she would be upset about right now is if you shut your family out. You need to be there for them now more than ever. Your kids need you, Em." I just continued to sob into his shoulder.

I had to let it all out. I needed each emotion to be released with each tear that fell from my face. I needed each tear to carry just a little bit of weight that was weighing heavy on my mind, heart, and soul away.

"Go ahead and do your work; I've got her." I knew that voice anywhere. It was Mila's mom. Anita took Lance's place, sat down next to me, and pulled me into a warm, comforting embrace.

"It's not your fault Emma. Don't blame yourself when no one deserves to be blamed." I shook my head on her shoulder.

"I promised her I'd keep everyone safe, and I broke it. That's on me, Anita. I failed everyone. I deserve the blame." She rubbed, comforting her circles on my back.

"You didn't fail. You can't control who the virus infects as much as you want to. It doesn't care about your age, your gender, your sexuality, your race, your ethnicity, your religion, what supernatural species you are, or any promises you made. It does what it wants without any rules, rhyme, or reason. It is death incarnate. It is erratic and impulsive with a mind of its own set on leaving destruction and chaos in its wake. If there is one to blame, it is the virus itself." At that moment, everything clicked for me. I didn't blame myself any longer or hate myself. I didn't loathe myself for not being able to keep my family safe. I was set on finding the person who made this virus, and I would make sure they paid with their life. "That's it. Just keep breathing." I took in a deep breath, and with the exhale, I let go of those negative voices in my head. I stopped making myself out to be the bad guy. I stopped taking on the guilt and shame that this person who made the virus should be feeling. With that exhale, I felt the fire in me grow again with a fiery passion for finding this person and making them pay. It was time to find them and get the cure. It was time for me to pull myself up by the bootstraps, put my big girl panties on, and kill this motherfucker.

"Thank you, Anita. I needed that. Can you please sit with Mila until I get back? I don't want her to be alone." She helped me get up and sat in the chair.

"I didn't plan on doing anything else. The kids are with Julia right now. Just worry about what you need to do right now; Mila won't be alone, and the kids are safe." I exhaled in relief.

"Thank you again." With that, I made my way up to Lance's office.

"Good to see you looking a little better, sis. I have some good news." He had a serious and formal tone in his voice, but still, there was a smile on his face.

"So, I believe we found the person who created the virus. His name is Dr. Hans Ziegler. He resides in Hamburg, Germany. He specializes in vaccines, genetics, and holistic medicines. It says here that patient zero went to their office after being attacked by a rogue wolf. They went to get a rabies shot. I think this is our guy. He fits the bill. He has the knowledge and could have easily put the virus in the rabies vaccine." I felt a smirk make its way onto my face.

"Perfect. We leave now." He started making phone calls to everyone in the chain of command who needed to be alerted. The council members from Germany had been alerted as well and will have a task force team track down his location and meet us there as backup.

I made my way to the lab to check on Mila and let Anita know what was happening.

"I'll be back, my love. Keep fighting, and don't go anywhere." With that, I took my hand off the glass and hugged Anita goodbye. If everything went according to plan, we should be back by tomorrow.

I feel horrible leaving Mila's side, but I know she would want me to go and help find this guy. I do intend to end his life which I'm pretty sure Mila wouldn't be particularly fond of. It's better to ask for forgiveness later rather than permission in this situation, though. She'd probably want just to let him suffer in prison, but he doesn't deserve to breathe again. Hell, maybe I'll have my team create a virus that will have the same effect that his virus causes and infect him with it. Then, let him die a slow and excruciating death.

I had to shake that thought away, though quickly. I didn't want to risk the virus spreading to the rest of the human population and start killing them off. My body feels exhausted, but my mind is racing. I knew once we landed that I would be fully awake and alert. Speaking of landing, the pilot just came over to the speaker to let us know we are making our final descent.

We got off the plane, and as soon as I took my phone off of airplane mode, messages and missed call notifications were blowing up my phone. I immediately called Anita back, completely fear-stricken, assuming the worst. Fearing that she had passed while I was gone, we never got a chance to talk to the guy who should have the cure.

"Emma, she's awake. Mila's awake." I froze in my steps immediately. Lance gave me a confused look, but I just waved him off.

"Please, can I hear her voice?" I heard the phone touch against the plexiglass, and then that's when I heard it. Her voice was melodious to my ears.

"Hey there, my love. Be careful. I can't wait till you're back. I love you." I kind of forgot how to talk at that moment, but words found me eventually.

"I love you too." That was all I could manage to say at that moment.