Fourth of October (Juntarsiego Series #1)

Chapter 37

I've made my final decision when I left his house. Umasa akong nagtatakbo ito sa likuran ko habang humahabol pero wala akong napansin. He chose to stay inside his house as if it is a sin to chase me.

Hindi na ako sumubok pang pagmasdan ito nang sandaling nakapagpahinga na ako sa kwarto. I can still see an orange light from my view but I cannot see his presence going back and forth anymore. Dahil doon, inabot ako ng hatinggabi bago tuluyang makatulog.

What matters to me now is that he stopped doing that 'work'. Wala nang baril. Hindi na siya gumagamit no'n na ikinapapasalamat ko. And I appreciate that from him. So much changes now, huh?

Sumunod ang araw nang hindi man lang ito nakita. Even before I went to the school, I never saw his presence. Wala namang problema sa akin iyon dahil hindi naman dapat na makita siya sa araw-araw.

It's not part of my routine.

Tanging ginawa ko na lang nang makarating sa room ko ay nangolekta ng mga pinagawa sa mga estudyante.

Upon seeing all their works, I managed to smile even a bit since it's been a hard time for me to paint and yet, their skills are unbelievable to not appreciate.

Nakikita ko ang sarili sa kanila. Their works are colorful, opposite from my life now. Walang itinirang mga bakanteng espasyo. Punong-puno ng kulay ang bawat gilid, maski ang nasa gitna. And at this moment, although I am not in much need of colors and my life looks dull, I am truly giving importance to all these works.

Isa sa mga pangarap ko ang hindi natupad ngayon. I never had an art gallery for my works. I have lots of paintings but I never tried building something for them, to let people see my works.

I thought that it was a blessing in disguise. Iyong tipo na hindi ko na siya naiisip kasi nawalan na rin ako ng interes sa pagpipinta. I gave up on that dream of mine because if ever I built something, I can never give people satisfaction upon seeing my new paintings.

Wala silang makikita roon kundi puro lungkot at sakit lang. Magsisisi lang ako kung sakaling tinuloy iyon. And now, I cannot ask myself if I am ready to be part of that field again.

Magagawa ko bang kulayan ang isang blangkong bagay kung buhay ko nga hindi ko magawang bigyang buhay?

A hard decision for now. Maybe some time, we can start having steps for that. Dadating din ako pero hindi ko alam kung kailan nga lang.

Isa-isa kong nilapag ang mga iyon sa mesa. I silently looked all of it. Bawat detalye ay tinitignan.

And as I held another painting, my deep thinking stopped.

Umawang ang labi ko nang nahaharap na iyon. My heart started beating as if I am about to run a mile now. As if it is in need of getting out of its cage but since I am controlling myself, it cannot do any of its desires. Holding it tightly, my eyes didn't blink for a couple of seconds.

Pati ang paghinga ay natitigil ng ilang sandali. I have this pressured feeling now that I am looking on a strange painting. Very strange since no one knows that I once painted something like this before.

A pair of blue eyes with a slight shimmer and spark as an effect. If it is alive, it will look like it's staring at me deeply, judging the kind of life I am living now. The eyelashes are curly enough just to justify how perfect it is on my view.

Sadly, I can't paint my own version now. It left a big scar both in my heart and mind. The deep blue color that I once admired became colorless and painful to look at.

Maganda ang kulay pero sakit ang hatid sa akin. Only Jaeden's eyes can bring me that.

Itinabi ko na ang lahat ng iyon saka itinuloy ang klase. Ilang section ang tinuruan ko ngayong araw. Inisip ko na naging pampalipas oras na lang iyon sa nangyari kagabi.