Chapter 9: Home Again

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Chántel's POV

It was a long drive from Texas to San Fransokyo. I left the hot, comforting wastelands of my home state. I just drove straight forward. I didn't look back, I just drove. It was mostly a silenced ride but every once in a while, we would bring up the subject of what would we do when we got home. This little adventure had changed my life forever. I would never look back on my life, how dependable I had become on others. I needed to become more independent. I had already changed some but I needed to change more. This hurt me but I couldn't think any differently.

I looked at my hands that held onto the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white. The aquamarine ring was on my right hand, ring finger. What was he doing? He didn't know the story about me, but he would never want to hear it. I was living a lie. All a lie. And the part that hurt me the most about it was that I was lying straight to Tadashi's and all of my friends' faces. All of them. I just couldn't stand it. It hurt so bad, but it was for the best.

I pushed all of the thoughts to the back corner of my mind. I needed to focus on driving. Tadashi was staring out the window of the car. It was raining again. I turned on the wipers and they pushed the water off of the windshield. Droplets of water streaked down the side of the car. Tadashi traced them as they moved along his window. It felt odd to be loving someone who I hadn't seen in years. And I missed the feeling.

But how was I to explain that my feeling wasn't the same as his. I couldn't stand the fact that I wanted to have him. But I also couldn't stand the thought of leaving him. It pushed me heart so hard. People say, "Follow your heart." How do you follow it if it was torn in two?

I was on the verge of tears, but held them back. I didn't want Tadashi to worry about me. So I wouldn't let him worry about me. Never give him a reason.

At a red light stop, I looked over at him to see him staring out the window, smiling. We were almost 'home.' This wasn't my home, but his. I missed my home, but I still couldn't let Tadashi worry. So I covered it up. I smiled and pretended to be happy. After a short drive, we made it back to San Fransokyo safe and sound. Or so he thought. My phone buzzed as it had been several times on our journey. I ignored it once more, but Tadashi didn't.

"Chán, are you going to check that?" He asked.
"No." I said, kind of in a harsh tone. Maybe a little to harsh, for Tadashi noticed.
"Hey, are you alright?"
"Yea I'm fine."

I drove to the Lucky Cat Cafe and parked the car. I got out and slammed the door hard. Tadashi stepped out and closed his door. I walked as calmly as I could into the cafe, but obviously not calmly enough. Tadashi grabbed my arm and stopped me before I opened the door. I yanked it back but he was stronger than me, not letting go.
"Tadashi, let go." I said as I gritted my teeth together.
"Not until you tell me what's bothering you."
"Then just keep holdin' on because there's nothing wrong."
"Chán, you're my only concern and right now, we obviously have an issue because here you are, walking and talking angrily and safe."
"I'm fine Tadashi! Really! I am!"
"No you're not."

People had started staring at our heated discussion. I yanked my arm back so hard that I ended up falling and hitting my head on the glass door to the Lucky Cat Cafe. I guess I hit it a little too hard because the next thing I knew, my vision was blurring out and then black. The last words I heard were, "Chán! Chán don't you go out on me now."

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