Mercury - Malec OneShots ✓

ꕥ Lonely

ꕥ

Some nights,
I get a little lonely
It's even when there's people
all around me
Sometimes,
I get a little anxious
'Cause these pills don't work
the way the doctor played it

ꕥ

How can someone who has the whole world to their feet feel so incredibly alone?
What kind of horrible human am I?
I got everything that I've always wanted and yet it feels like it's far from enough.

My manager appears and tells me that I got five minutes left before I have to go out there, out into the camera lights and cheers. I have to smile, wave, show them that I appreciate their love and devotion. And I do, I really do but it simply doesn't fill me. At all.

I chose to be an actor because it gives me the chance to be someone else. And whoever I get to be on camera, they don't feel empty. They don't need a million people around them to feel less alone and then still somehow do. But having all these fans is better than nothing. Distraction from this inner void is what I crave.

I walk out of the dressing room and take a seat in my limousine.

"Good Day, Mister Bane." The driver greets me and I return his smile.

"Good Day." I know my role, I know that I'm the charming, loved, extravagant and a little crazy, actor who supports a million different LGBTQ+ organizations to make the world a more tolerant place. Who gets called iconic for his signature makeup-look, colorful fashion and painted nails.

The truth is, I need the makeup. Without it, I feel so raw and false. It's like the oxygen mask that keeps me breathing.

The screams reach the car before it even arrived and I smile at myself in the mirror, convincing me of its realness. II get out and everything hits all at once. Lights, cheers, colors, posters with loving messages for me, it's all there and for a few seconds, I have it. For just a little while, I feel loved, I feel real and I feel seen. But then it disappears and that small moment.. it's just not enough.

ꕥ

So I'm playin' the role,
ridin' the bull, stuck in a hole
Takin' a bow,
lookin' so proud
Look at me now,
talkin' about pills in my mouth
Under the tongue,
isn't it fun?
Trying to breathe,
starting to seize
Lights, camera,
action and scene
Story of my life

ꕥ

The bar is the place where I go to drown my thoughts, to forget the void. I always wear a cap and dull, black clothes to have as little possibility of getting recognized as possible. I stir in the golden liquid in my glass and imagine my funeral. I do that often, it's pretty sick, isn't it. For some reason I feel like that I'd be more seen when I'm dead, more loved and appreciated, less alone.

I can't decide if I want purple or yellow flowers on my coffin when someone suddenly takes the seat next to me. I look up and the stranger looks right back at me.

"Sorry, no autographs," I say, really not feeling like being bothered by a fan right now. But his face turns into a frown.

"Huh? Why would I?"

I smile relieved. My disguise seems to work pretty well. Now I take the time to look at him closer. He's really pretty but in a subtle, inconspicuous way. Dark green eyes, hidden behind long and defined eyelashes. Raven-black hair, sharp eyebrows in the same color, and beautiful pink lips.