One More Chance

Jeju Island

Lisa

My palms are getting itchy every single minute. It is ready to close into a tight fist and smack the person beside me.

It is Kim Taeyung, my assistant.

Do you know what irritates me? Its him talking non stop how she admire the famous Jennie Kim aka my ex girlfriend, which ofcourse, he knows nothing about. He keep blabbing in all honesty that she has a crush on Jennie almost every day. And every single time I have to stop myself from firing this noisy assistant of mine. Every damn time I have to act like I care and will show happiness every time his damn small eyes turned into heart shapes.

I watch him flirt with Jennie whenever we switch places and I have to rest. And every time my eyes shoots laser when he is simply trying to make Jennie notice him. Fortunately, Jennie doesn't give a damn to him. Everything about her is pure professional, except when it comes to me. Everyone noticed it. How the great superstar is extra caring and sweet to me. Of course I always tell them that that's what we really are and we knew each other since we were trainees. Luckily, the idiots buy it.

Jennie is very transparent when it comes to me. And I worry that people will start to gossip about her. That is one of the reasons why I tried to avoid her not because I don't feel anything about her.

Hell, even her name makes my damn heart go beating wildly inside my chest and go crazy just the mention of her name. Every little thing about her makes my sanity go insane.

She's my first love.

And I am still in love with her.

For three years there is no single day she left my mind. She lived in it, my mind and my heart, rent free. I should ask her some fee some other time because she's past due already. But I don't really care because I don't want her to leave either.

I wasn't really true when I told her I am not capable of loving anymore. Clearly that is a big lie, because I'm still fucking in love with her. Whatever the pain it caused me, I'm still in love with her. I am just great of pretending I wasn't. Maybe I should join acting not dancing. I'm getting pretty good at it.

I am so scared.

I am not scared of falling in love. Because I have fallen in love already. A long time ago.

I'm scared of being left out. I'm scared of giving all my love and there's nothing left to me. I'm scared that I'll go crazy once Jennie and I went back to our old ways. I'm scared to lose myself again.

There are many times that I just want to run to her and tell her I want her back too, but shits are crawling up faster than my courage. You might hate me for being like this. There are many things I'd do for her and I'm scared that I will be crashed again into pieces.

~

I lean on the van's window, sitting at the far right back of the van. The whole team are busy arranging stuff for the travel to Jeju Island for Jennie's photoshoot.

I sat at the back thinking of what Rosie said the other day. There are so many what ifs running on my mind and it didn't help a lot. Surely Rosie knows what happened to me when she saw me knocking on her door looking devastated when I decided to leave Korea. But she knew nothing to what I felt. So it's easy for her to say those things.

I puff a breath as I close my eyes. Leaning my more on the window. My phone suddenly vibrated and pull it out of my hoodie's pocket. Turning on the screen of my device, Jisoo's name pop out of the screen. I slide the screen to let it unlock using face Id and read the message.

Turtle Jisoo: Duckling, Jennie's on your way to your Van. Someone leaked the news that Jennie will head to Jeju so fans are crowding the airport already. Have her with you to lure the fans, I'm having Rosie in Jennie's van. Stay safe.