Behavioural Tutor

8 // Breathe

Tommy reluctantly stepped through the class room door, allowing Phil to explain that they were at the nurse's office, and sulkily trudged to the back of the classroom to his usual seat. This was just like his lessons yesterday, the only difference being that now, Phil was watching him closely.

Tommy tried to doodle like he did before, but Phil was quick to stop him. When he tried to grab his notebook back from Phil, he just put it in his bag. There was no way Tommy was putting up with this. He jumped up in his chair (pushing it to the ground in the process - he did that a lot recently) before rushing out of the classroom.

"Tommy come back!" Phil called after him. Tommy was not coming back. He knew Phil would catch him eventually, so he decided to make the most of his freedom while he still could.

Tommy ran towards the back of the school, towards a secluded bench tucked right into a corner. He hadn't done that much running in a while; he was trying not to move around too much as an attempt to hide his limp, and so far, that worked. If people realised how bad his limp really was, they would release it wasn't just from the fight with Wilbur.

He very out of breath. Sighing, he sat down on the surprisingly comfortable bench and waited for Phil to catch up with him. Judging by what happened in the cafeteria, it wouldn't take him too long.

Ironically, just as he had that thought, an angry looking Phil rounded the corner. He had his bag hanging off of one shoulder, and Tommy's hanging off the other.

Phil looked Tommy dead in the eyes, before remarking, "You'd better stop running off you little gremlin."

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You'd better stop running off you little gremlin.

You little gremlin.

Gremlin.

Tommy was shakily hiding under a small desk in the living room. It wasn't much of a hiding spot, but he knew it didn't really matter where he hid - he would always get found.

The familiar stench of alcohol was growing closer and closer. The shaking child knew it was only a matter of time before he was found again, and the longer it was, the more painful it would be.

He tried his best to stay silent, he really did, by clasping a dirty hand over his rosy lips, a weak attempt to muffle the scared whimpers. But, it was no use when the man he feared the most walked right next to the desk.

Tommy could see his feet. A few deep breaths was all that was needed to be found. He was dragged out by his collar, and thrown onto the floor.

The terrified child desperately tried to scramble backwards from the man, but his back met the wall, pining him in position. The man chuckled.

"You'd better stop running off you little gremlin."

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Tommy's breathing increased. He started violently shaking, staring forward, but seeing nothing except his horrible flashback. He desperately tired clutching his collar, choking on air. He couldn't breath, couldn't see, couldn't hear.

Well shit, thought Phil.

"Tommy - Tommy can you hear me?" Phil tried moving his hand in front of Tommy's face, but got no reaction. The boy was paralysed in fear.

Phil grabbed both of Tommy's hands, and placed them on his chest. He exaggerated his breathing, so Tommy could feel it.

"Can you feel my breathing Tommy? I want you to match it... yeah?" Phil looked into Tommy's eyes, searching for some sort of sign to show that he had heard him.

"I- I c- c- c- can't." Tommy's shaking grew worse. "D- don't h- hurt me."

"Tommy, it's me - Phil. I'm not going to hurt you, I just need you to breath. You can do that Tommy. Just copy my breathing. See? In, out. Can you tell me something that's yellow, Tommy?"

"I- I can't see, P- Phil."

"It's okay Tommy, just breath. What's yellow? It's okay - take your time."

"I- I- I- I don't know... t- the sun?"

"That's it Tommy! Can you name something green?"

"I- I- I don't know."

"Yes you do. Look at the ground."

"G-Grass?"

"Well done! Something blue?"

"T- The sky?"

"That's right Tommy."

This continued for about ten minutes until Tommy's breathing mostly returned to normal, and had stoped shaking. He had tears in his eyes, and looked to the ground.

"Can you tell me what that was about Tommy?" Phil put his hand on the younger's lap. He wanted to help - he really did - but he couldn't if he didn't know what was going on.

"I- It was nothing Phil." Tommy tried to brush it off; he didn't want to talk about it.

"That wasn't nothing. It was one of the worse panic attacks I've ever seen. Something is clearly wrong." Phil was not taking no as an answer.

"I SAID IT WAS NOTHING PHIL!!" Tommy shoved Phil's hand away from his leg. "Don't you have other kids to be helping? Ones who actually want you?"

"Because right now you need my help Tommy."

"Then what, huh? You're just going to push me aside to help someone else - someone new?"

"Well, eventually I will need to move on-"

"So what!? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO ABANDON ME!?"

"No Tommy, I-"

"DON'T 'NO TOMMY' ME. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!"

Before Phil could say another word, Tommy rushed up and ran as far away from Phil as possible. He had tears streaming down his face, eyes red from crying. He didn't bother to check if Phil was following him; he knew he was.

Tommy just needed to be alone. He ran down the familiar corridors and to the bathroom. Tommy grabbed a chair, and propped it up against the handle, blocking off the whole room, not just an individual cubicle.

He leant on a sink, and broke down. Phil was just using him. He was just 'another troubled kid that needed solving'. He wasn't special. As soon as he showed any sign of progress, he would just be kicked to the curb once agin.

Why was life so unfair? Tommy clenched his fists, and punched the mirror above the faucet, instantly shattering it into thousands of tiny pieces. There was now only one normal mirror left. The rest were all shattered by Tommy's anger. His fist was bleeding by he didn't care, he just had to get out of there.

Tommy spent the rest of the period in the bathroom, crying his eyes out. Once the bell sounded, there were enough people to blend into the crowd, and escape without Phil, Ranboo, Bad, Tubbo, Techno (not that he would really care), or else anyone to notice.

That's exactly what he did.