The Bouquet

Chapter 1

For as long as you could remember, there has been something wrong with you. And, everyone knew it.

Children can appear fearless, they are blunt and tend to speak their minds unrestrained. But you were never like them. When the other girls in class would scream in fright at the sight of a spider, you would giggle and watch it crawl in between your fingers with glee. When others would shake in trepidation when their night light died, you would stare out into the dark welcomingly, watching the shadows bend and sway into one. And where most children would scream in fright when a stranger grabbed on to them and yanked them away from the playground, you cocked your head curiously and asked where the two of you were going.

There was undoubtedly something terribly wrong with you.

That last incident had led to many outcomes. But the biggest one was your diagnosis. You had a damaged amygdala, in short, your brain could not process fear. You could feel every emotion except fear. You were broken, and there was no way for you to fix it.

That day on the playground you were lucky that your teacher had been there, swooping in like a hawk the minute you were pulled away from the group of children. You stood there confused as she held you behind her body, screaming at the man as she dialed the emergency line on her phone in her other hand. You had been so close to what could have been the end of your life, and you weren't afraid for a single moment.

As you grew up, so many people would tell you how lucky you were to never be afraid of anything. You could go skydiving, you could have a pet snake, you could get into a car accident and walk out as nonchalant as a person who had dropped their phone. But, was it okay to not be scared when you were stalked down the street in the dead of the night by someone wielding a knife? What would they do if you laughed in their face as they pinned you to the wall, the serrated edge of the blade digging into the slope of your throat? If you wouldn't comply because you weren't afraid, would they end your life?

Being able to experience fear is human, it's how you protect yourself. So how were you meant to do that when nothing could scare you? Were you meant to be hunted, to be killed before you could realize what was happening? If you could be scared, then that thought would do you in.

In your small town, you were as much of a phenomenon as you were a social pariah. As a child, your diagnosis became everyone's business and soon enough was a reason to keep you isolated. What parent wanted their child befriending another who could get them in trouble as well? You were dangerous, you threatened their child's safety. So, from day one, you were meant to be left alone.

Your own family wasn't quite so sure how to deal with your diagnosis, how to deal with you. What would be worse, to treat you like nothing was wrong or to remind you every day that something was wrong? After the incident, your mother pulled you out of school, too frightened to even tempt fate with her daughter out in a world full of temptation and evil. If you had almost gone so willingly with the devil himself, then what more misfortune would you attract?

For twenty years you had no friends, no job, no experience with the real world, and never left the house without a family member. You were lonely, depressed, riddled with anxiety, and an all around mess. You were kept prisoner for your lack of fear. You were treated much like a child or a pet, kept on a tight leash so that you wouldn't wander and find trouble awaiting you.

And those rare occasions when you could leave with your family were simply that, rare. Your social skills had become stunted, so to say. The foreign faces that passed you by appeared like blank slates to you. A warm smile or a gentle phrase from a stranger left you confused, how were you supposed to respond? Should you call out to your mom, hide behind your father? What were you supposed to say to them, were they a threat? Someone here to harm you and you would never know until it was far too late?