Some Dog Man Randomness

Dog Man and Petey

I present to you:

Dog Man and Petey incorrect quotes! Also, I didn't edit these, I just copied and pasted them (except for swears). Just to be warned.

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Dog Man: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.
Petey: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

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Dog Man: What's up guys? I'm back.
Petey: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Dog Man: Death is a social construct.

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Petey: Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Dog Man: I think you mean cards.
Petey, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

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Dog Man: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Petey: I do have a sense of humor you know
Dog Man: I've never heard you laugh before
Petey: I've never heard you say anything funny

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Dog Man: You love me, right, Petey?
Petey: Normally, I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don't like it.

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Petey , standing with their back turned: I've been expecting you, Dog Man.
Dog Man: How did you do that without turning around?
Petey : ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

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Dog Man: Here's some advice
Petey: I didn't ask for any
Dog Man: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

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Dog Man: Ok, maybe playing 'whose family is most dysfunctional' wasn't the best idea we've had. Petey's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get them out...

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Petey: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Dog Man: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Petey: Absolutely not.

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Dog Man: This is such a bad idea.
Petey: Then why are you coming along?
Dog Man: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

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*Dog Man and Petey are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Dog Man: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Petey, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

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Petey: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Dog Man, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

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Petey: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I'm late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Dog Man: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FREAKIN' STAIRS.