Noah and Elle (Then, Now and Forever)

The Reality of Love PT1

Elle's POV

Life is getting back to normal, Noah and I are getting our wedding organized.  We aren't doing anything crazy, it's just going to be a very simple wedding.  We are doing it at the Beach House, and getting married on the beach.  We mulled around where to get married, we wanted it somewhere that represents us.  We had three places in mind, it was a hard decision between two but we finally agreed upon the Beach House.  It does hold a lot of good memories for us, plus this is where we spent our first "couple" summer together, it just felt right.

Lee and Rachel are back from their honeymoon and have fallen into married life so perfect.  Noah has been super busy at work lately, but so have I.  We are about to put our game out to our testing group, fingers crossed they like it.  It is finally the weekend, we are having Lee and Rachel over for dinner and a movie. We need this after the past few days, plus need to talk wedding stuff with Rachel.

The next month has even gotten crazier, I have hardly seen Noah, and when I do he has been in a bit of a bad mood.  Not sure why, I have tried to talk to him when I see him, but he just says not to worry it is all work.  We haven't even made love in over a month.  Which I mean is normal we have been living together for quite a while now, I guess we have fallen into a routine of "married life" to say. But we only have one month until our wedding day, there is still a lot of decisions to be made, and when I try and talk to him about it, he just says you sort it out your better at that kind of stuff, and then he just returns to his computer and that is that.  I am missing Noah so much.  He comes late, is up late working in the office, I eat dinner alone most nights, and on the weekends he has been putting in a lot of overtime.

The next day because again Noah came to bed late, and was up and gone before I got up, I shoot him a text.

"Hey we need to talk, are you going to be home at a decent hour?"

By the time I left for work, I still hadn't heard from Noah and then my day was pretty busy, this panel we have is good but sometimes it can get overwhelming with all the suggestions and criticism, that I start freaking out on the inside, thinking we are never going to launch this by Christmas again.  My boss has this thing about Christmas, I get it but wow, about 5 months before the launch we get crazy busy.

I finally stop and look at my phone after all the meetings, and still no text.  That is not like Noah, he usually sends something to me, maybe he was in court today and may just had forgotten, I don't know.  So I try again.

"Hi Sexy, I am heading home in about an hour, want me to make dinner then we can sit and talk?"

           "Hey, sorry, super busy, won't be home for dinner, we will try to talk later."

That is all I got are you kidding me.  What is going on, am I being insecure or what.  So after I have my dinner, I decide to call Noah, no answer.  Ummm...Decided when I get into bed I will try again.  Finally, as I get into bed, I hear the door, I get up hoping maybe I might be able to talk to him.  I head down the hall because I hear him in the kitchen, I peek my head around and he looks at me. "What are you doing up?" "I tried to wait up for you, I wanted to see you and talk to you, " I say, kind of nervously.  I approach him to give him a hug, he gives me one back but it was more like there I hugged you kind of hug.  "Noah, what is going on, you have been so distant that I don't even know what to do or think."  "Oh of course you go to I am up to no good right?" "No that is not what I am saying" "Sure Elle, I am busting my ass off at work for us and all I get is grief and suspension from you."  "Whoa, that is not what is going on." Well, maybe it is in my head if I am honest with myself.  But he has never given me any reason to think that. 

Noah storms out of the kitchen and into the office and slams the door.  I just stand there for a minute trying to wrap my head around what just happened.  I should go a talk to him, but I don't want to fight, nor do I know why we are even fighting.  I walk down the hall to our room and as I get nearer(the office is just by our room), I can hear Noah talking to someone or himself not sure, but he doesn't sound happy.  I try to listen at the door, but I couldn't make anything out.  I walk into our room and lay on the bed for a second, then I start to cry no idea why.  I just wish Noah would talk to me.

The next few days we didn't talk or see each other, Noah slept on the couch.  I was beyond confused.  The weekend was approaching and maybe I could convince him we needed a few days together.  So I try to text him again.

"Hi babe, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the beach house for the weekend?'

                          "Elle I have no time for that right now."

"Ok, sorry to have bothered you, Bye"

                          "Elle please don't be like that I really have no time for your games."

My games what is he talking about.  I never see him, he is always grumpy, what am I doing?  Now I am starting to get annoyed.  

"Noah, I don't know what your problem is, but we need to talk, we have a wedding to finish planning that is about to take place in 4 weeks."

                         "I realize that, but right now is not good for me."

"What do you mean not good for you? This is our wedding I am planning on my own, I am starting to feel like you don't want to get married."

                         "Dear lord Elle, I just can't right now.  Please stop putting words in my mouth, I am just really busy."

"Oh of course why talk to me about anything, I am just about to become your wife."

                        "Elle stop, I am not doing this, maybe ..."  Then he stops himself. "I got to go."

Wow no goodbye nothing, just got to go.  What is going on?  I sit there in my office as tears stream down my face.  What if he doesn't want to get married, maybe he is rethinking it all.  He better make up his mind soon.

I decided I am going to go to the beach house on my own, maybe we need a little distance like we haven't had any in the past few weeks.  By Friday Noah still has not slept in our room, and I have not texted him or even called, but he hasn't either.  So when I get home, I pack a few things, I debated on leaving him a note but decided it won't matter, he probably won't even see it.  I told no one where I was going, I just need to go and figure out what I want here.  One thing I know is I want to be with him, but I am starting to feel like he doesn't want to.  I lock up and head out, as I drive my bike there, I actually enjoy the wind in my face, the warmth of the sun, it was almost therapeutic.   I arrive at the beach house go in, open windows, grab a book and go sit out on the deck and relax.  A few hours passed since I had been here and I had not heard from Noah, thought maybe he'd be home by now wondering where I was, but nope nothing. So I let it go, order some dinner and call it a night.  

The next morning I woke to my phone buzzing, hoping it is Noah I grab it, it's not it is Lee, 

"Hey where are you guys, I came by last night and no one was home."

I sat there for a minute, not sure if I should respond and tell him where I am, but I didn't want him to tell Noah.  Noah not talking to me for the past week has been hard enough and trying to wrap my head around what is going, has been so stressful.  But hey he said no one was home, where the heck was Noah.  I left it for a bit, I just couldn't talk to anyone right now.  I decided to go for a walk on the beach to get some air to clear my head.  I left my phone in the kitchen and headed out.  As I walked along the beach, all kinds of memories came flooding back, then I started picturing where to set out the chairs and arch for our wedding.  This walk did me no good.  By the time I got back, which was much later than I thought.  I had been crying and my eyes were all puffy.  Once inside I hear my phone buzzing again.  Lord Lee if that is you I just can't right now. I am thinking as I pick up my phone.  No, it was Noah.  

"Where are you?"

I looked at the message for a minute not sure if I should respond or let him stew for a while.

"Elle seriously I am worried, please answer me."

"Shelly we to talk, I am sorry."

He said sorry, maybe I better just call him.

"Hi, where are you, I came home pretty late and you weren't here, you are worrying me." He says

I didn't even get to say Hi or anything.  "Why do you want to know, I mean we haven't talked much in the past few weeks why now?" "Shelly"  I can hear the concern in his voice, the sadness too. "We need to talk, tell me where you are, please."  "You know where I am I told you the other day when you starting getting upset with me." "I will be there soon, don't leave I want to talk to you."