Everything I Expected

Chapter 10

Y/N POV

     "Did you let Dinah listen to the song?" My therapist, Kiara, asks after the song plays. I nod my head. "I played it for her the day I finished it. I broke down before she listened to it." "How come?" She says as she writes down on her notepad. "I guess I never really expressed to her how thankful for her I am. I just kept saying thank you to her for everything she's helped me with. From Cheylise, to my family, the kidnapping, just everything. If it wasn't for Dinah I don't think that I would have been able to go through what I went I went through without her." "Give me an example." "Like when Cheylise was kidnapped, she never left my side. She made sure I ate, slept, showered, and used the bathroom. She dealt with my temper. She helped keep me calm to the point where I wouldn't go out and do something crazy for me to get arrested in trying to get my daughter back. She kept me sane."
     "Do you think she kept you sane because you're too dependent on her or do you think she keeps you sane because you allow her to keep you sane?" I raise an eyebrow and turn my head to the side. "Say what now?" Kiara let's out a giggle. "Im sorry. What I mean by that is, you name all these situations that Dinah had helped you through. In some situations like playing a mother role for Cheylise when you and Melanie had a problem with each other. It seems like you needed Dinah there as a fall back because of your own fear as a parent. Every situation that we've discussed you talk about how Dinah comes and saves you or helps you out. Do you think your dependent on her?" I sat there and thought about it. "Here let me help you out. You said you waited for Dinah to get back together with you for how many years?" "Two." "Now throughout those two years how many times have you found yourself calling her or about to call her for assistance for something?" "Yeah but it was mostly for the kids. Like checking if I put too much formula or if certain clothes fit, but I ended up just asking my mom or aunt Drea if it was right or okay." I say after thinking. "Maybe I am too dependent on her. But I know where it comes from."
     "And where do you believe it comes from?" "My parents." "Are you ready to talk about them? I know the last time this subject was brought up you didn't want to talk about it." I sigh deeply and sit back and get comfortable. "If I don't say it now I'll probably will never." She nods her head and puts her notepad on the table. She crosses her legs and sit back. "I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready." I nod my head and let out a deep breathe.
     "I guess you can say my childhood was a very bittersweet moment in my life. When I was born, I was born with a male appendage, with more feminine facial features. I don't know the exact details of how I was born or what I looked liked. I just know I was born at a hospital. My mom would talk to me about how she went into labor and how long it was, but never the details of the delivery. She never even showed me pictures of me the day of when I was born. My other siblings got to see theirs though. I would always question her about it, but she would always find a way to change the subject. The very last time I asked about it and my dad changed the subject, I knew I was different.
     "When I was five, I was on a basketball team with my best friend Jared. Every time it was time for us to change my parents would take me into one of the family bathrooms instead of letting me change in the girls locker room. That's the day I really found out that I was different."

F L A S H B A C K

     "Daddy, how come every time I have to change I have to come change in here and not with the rest of the girls. Cece was going to show us the new sneakers she got." I say with a pout and my arms crossed. "Y/N/N we'll talk about it at home." "Then I'm changing with the girls!" I say as I reach for my bag and he snatches it back. "Who are you talking to little girl?" He sighs and squats down and reaches out to me and I walk into his arms.
     "Ay dios míos, I thought I would be having this talk with you when you are a little older. Hija, you can't change with the girls because you aren't like the other girls." "So I'm a boy? So daddy let's go in the boys locker room then." "No! I mean no bebe. Escucha me. You were born different. You're still a girl hija. You're just made special." "Special how papa?" "Well you know how boys and girls have two separate private parts?" "Yeah, that way you can tell who is going to be a mommy and who is going to be a daddy." "Right. You were made very special Bebe. So you have two different parts. But you don't want to tell anybody that okay? That's something you keep to yourself. You gotta promise you won't tell anybody else." I hook my pinky around his and kiss it. "I promise papa. I won't tell nobody."