My Immortal Phantom

Cutting

Chapter Thirteen: Cutting

As you could guess, Jasper never came back. For weeks, all I did was cry. When Liz went back to New York, I cried harder. I found myself dying, or wanting to die...is there even a difference anymore? I started cutting again, and wouldn't let anything--or anyone--stop me. Jasper stopped coming, which was the final sign I needed that he was a demon, and I was so foolish for letting him love me...and letting me love him.

Ember saw the light in things, telling me that this wasn't necessarily a sign, and he might even come back with white wings and a halo. But I doubted it. She tried to get me to stop cutting myself, and I saw how deeply it hurt her when I hurt myself...but I couldn't stop. Without Jasper...without Liz...I'll probably lose Ember too...then what reason will I have to live? 

Rex came around occasionally, telling me that he never heard from Jasper, but he heard from Zoe, and she was after me. He also said that she tried to come here, but he would protect me and stop her. I thanked God for giving me such a protector as Rex. Despite him not telling me what he was, I appreciated that he stayed. Liz and Peter even approved. 

I still talked to Liz on our daily phone call, and on weekends it was hourly phone call. I avoided mentioning my cutting, not wanting to bother her. She told me that she'd be back over Christmas break--then she'd obviously see.

"I'm serious!" Ember thundered. Now Ember yelled very rarely, but she was convinced that Jasper was going to come back, and he wasn't for sure a demon.

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered. I reached into my purse and pulled out a small pocketknife. I pushed up the sleeve of my shirt, revealing many scars. I cut along the edge of a scar, so it would appear that I hadn't cut myself at all.

Ember snatched the knife. "I'm not going to sit here and watch you slowly kill yourself!" she snapped. "I've sat back here and done nothing for long enough! You've been to therapy, you're taking anti-depressants, and it seems like you're always reading stuff on how to be better, but you're not! You're only getting worse! You're not even you anymore, June!"

"Good," I uttered. "Maybe if I go so far into not even being me, I'll forget everything."

"Okay, I take back all the times I said I was more insane than you, because you're way more insane than me. Which wouldn't bother me--I like crazy people--but you're dying emotionally! I love you, but get a freaking grip! I can't look at you like this!"

"Now you're going to leave..." I blubbered, as I was crying now. "Now I'll have nothing."

"No!" she shouted. "I'm not going to leave! I'm going to stay with you until you snap out of it!"

"I guess you'll be here for awhile."

"Got any sense in her thick skull, Ember?" Peter questioned as he entered. (Oh yeah, did I mention he likes her now? How gross! He asked her out over twenty times, but she kept turning him down. Poor Ember said she was too concerned with "other stuff" to have a boyfriend. I started to wonder if getting me out of cutting was "other stuff".)

"Not yet, but I will."

"Want to take a break? We could go get something to eat, or, um--"

Her laugh cut him off, and she shook her head, looking down as she blushed. "No, Peter."

He frowned. "Okay. If you change your mind, you know where I'll be."

"Playing online games with your stupid friends," I said. "Yeah, she knows."

Grimace spread across his face, Peter left to do just what I said he would.

"Okay, June," she said once he slammed the door. "When did you first start this; when Jasper left or when Liz did?"

"Liz."

She nodded. "That's what I thought. Good, 'cause that sexy demon should not be the source of your problems.I understand why it hurts that Liz left, because I only knew her for the month that she was here, and it hurt me when she left. I feel like she's been my best friend as long as she's been yours. Why don't we call her?"

"No!" I ordered. "Liz doesn't...exactly know..."

"Holy crap, June! You haven't told her! Well, we can tell her now!"

"We can tell her at Christmas!"

She shook her head, already dialing. I tried to snatch the phone, but she jumped up on my bed, then onto the loft above it, holding her phone up.

"Hey, Liz! It's Ember! I'm at June's house, and I'm trying to get her to stop cutting--"

It was very clear how Liz felt about that: "SHE'S CUTTING AGAIN?!? PUT HER ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!!"

Ember's eyes widened, and she rubbed her temples after giving me the phone. I couldn't blame her for getting a headache; it was loud for me, and I was kind of far away from the phone.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, JUNE!!! CUTTING AGAIN?!? WHAT THE CRAP WERE YOU THINKING?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!? I'M GOING TO SMACK YOUR FACE OFF!!!" Her voice softened as she said, "I love you, June, and that's why I'm so pissed off that you would do this. I'm getting online now, and I'm getting a lot earlier flight. I'll take summer school for missing this plus what I missed last time; I don't care. I'm not going to let you do this again."

"It'll be kind of hard to stop me," I bawled.

"Like hell it will." Liz didn't cuss too often, and when she did, it was a big deal. She said things like "pissed off" often, but when she said something like, 'Like hell it will,' that was big.

It seemed like to everyone but me, this whole cutting again incident was big. To me, it was just a simple reaction, like a child crying when you take away their toy. According to Peter, I was being a child. According to me, he was even more of a child.

That night, Ember slept on my loft and I on my bed. It was a school night, but our parents, aware of her intention, let her stay. 

It was somewhere around midnight when I awoke, gasping at the fact that someone was at my side. 

It was my angel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- comment of message me ideas (or if ya just like my story, i hope u do) n also tell me if u want jasper to be angel or demon. (:

i'll update when i figure out where this story is going!!