Hearts gone cold

Absurd

How absurd this life of ours is
Do I decide what to make of it?
Is it what I believe or what others see?
If there is meaning, what could it be?

Maybe it's the help I gave to friends
Maybe it's the helping hand outstretched
Maybe it's my philanthropy
These nuggets scattered about with my apathy

Pessimist or realist
Denier or honest
Brave or scared
Ready or unprepared

I scour the depths of my own self hate
I find my meaning is always up for debate
My mind wanders so as of late
If I close my eyes forever will I open them with a clean slate