Natasha Romanoff one shots :)

Couldn't risk it

A/n: Hi, so i'm not sure if this is good or not, but i thought it was cute?

Age: 18/22
Word count: 2684
TW: violent use of language, mentions of self-harm. Yeah that's pretty much it
Summary: y/n and Natasha are always fighting, but this time, it went a little too far
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'Oh my god! I hate you! I fucking hate you, you know that?!', I yell out of frustration, my hand slamming on the kitchen table, with tears in my eyes. Nat is standing in front of me, her hands resting on her hips. 'Oh, you're going to slam things now? Really mature... really mature.', she says. 'Oh?! You wanna talk about maturity? Why don't you tell me why you keep saying these mean things to me, without one good reason huh?'.

It's true, Natasha had been mean to y/n, but not without a reason like y/n said. It still isn't a really good reason, but Natasha does have a reason. Ever since y/n joined the Avengers one year ago, Natasha felt attracted to the woman. The way her body moves as she walks, the way her eyes light up every time she talks about something she likes, it fascinated Natasha. But she couldn't risk it. This job, it is all she has. After years of running, hiding, killing, she was finally on the right path. And she wasn't going to ruin that just because of one little crush. So Natasha pushed y/n away. Every time y/n was around, Natasha would act like a bitch, give her dirty looks and roll her eyes. What y/n didn't know, is that all of these actions actually hurt Natasha too. She didn't want to hurt you, the person she likes so much. She felt herself grow sadder every day, feeling bad for the way she acted. But she couldn't risk it, is what she kept saying to herself. She really couldn't. For the first weeks, y/n kept trying to melt the heart of the cold-hearted redhead. For Natasha, that wasn't really a good help. How could she act so awful around someone so kind? But then something changed. Y/n started to no longer accept the mean things. She became mean to Natasha as well. Natasha always used to think it couldn't get worse, but that day, when y/n no longer was nice to Natasha, she broke. For the first time in years, she let herself cry, but not before locking her door and burying her head under her pillow, so no one would know. She hated herself. Every day became a challenge. Could she keep up her mask or would she break down in front of everyone. The snappy comments affected her too. She doesn't like it to be like this. After every mean comment she made, she would write a letter to her, saying how sorry she was, and how much she really cared about her. The letters she kept in a box beneath her bed, hoping one day she would actually have the courage to send her one. It was unlikely though. The comments started to lead into fights, and the fights became a routine.

'Jesus y/l/n, you even can't do your own dishes?'. I let out a huff and roll my eyes. 'Well, at least my mom taught me how to make my bed. Yours obviously didn't... oh wait right, you didn't even have a mom, cause she left you.', I say. 'You know what y/n? Fuck you. Fuck you...'.

'Do you maybe care just one little bit, about anything but yourself?', I yell. 'Oh... my... god...! Stop being such a drama queen! Sorry for not asking if you wanted the last donut, but I assumed you had eaten too many holes for the past couple of weeks.', Natasha snapped. 'You're a dick Romanoff. You're a dick!', I yell as I storm out of the room.

Those were only small examples of the daily arguments. It always started with something little, but ended in you two eating in different rooms, not being able to look each other in the eyes. Almost every encounter turned into a fight.

I really, really don't get why Natasha is like this to me. In the first weeks, I really tried my best, to become a member the team would like. And for a moment I thought I was succeeding. I enjoyed the game nights with everyone, well, without Natasha. I assumed she just wasn't really a people person or something. She just seemed annoyed or something. But then I once walked in on her and Tony. They were playing chess, and laughing out loud. I must say, her smile made my heart beat just a little faster, but also made it ache. I started to observe her more. She always was cheerful with the others. With everyone, except me. What did I do to her to make her hate me? I tried to get closer to her, maybe enjoy the side of her that so many seem to love, but every time I tried, I ended up crying in my room. So eventually, I gave up. Why fight the thing if it's so much easier to just play along. Hating was easier than loving right? So yes. I started to act like a bitch too. I made some comments which I know crossed I line, like things about her parents. We fought more and more, without a pause. The team started to keep us apart, but the routine kept going.