Chapter 29

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"Hey, wake up Darling." I whispered softly into Harry's ear.

"No, I don't want to get up, another ten minutes, please." He mumbled drowsy and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Bubs, we've got a lot to do today. C'mon."

I grinned, pulled the blanket away from him and picked the sleepy boy up. He clasped me with arms and legs and reluctantly let himself be carried down like a little koala bear would have done with his mother.

"I hate you."

"That's fine. Orange juice or coffee?" I asked after setting him down at a chair in the kitchen.

"Coffee" He mumbled offended and was already about to cut two bread rolls. One for me and one for himself. I placed a mug in front of him and lovingly ruffled his hair as he held out the bun and waited for me to take it from him.

"Thanks love."

"So, what do we have to do, today?" He asked, passing me the jar of strawberry-vanilla jam.

"Zayn, Gigi and Niall are going to come over at eleven. Well... I'll tell them. It probably won't be very nice, but they deserve to know. And then I thought we might do something else. I don't know. All together."

He nodded to acknowledge it and covered his bun with a slice of cheese.

It was unsettlingly quiet in the house. Mason and Lottie had not come home that evening, but went to Mason and Mark was still asleep because he had finished late the day before.

I could hear my own eating noises.

"Hey." I said, grabbing the hand he held the knife in, making him look up from the plate.

"I love you."

He weakly drew the corner of his mouth upwards. "I love you, too. More than anything."

"If the others don't come until eleven, we still have two hours. What do we do?" Harry asked as we were clearing the table together.

I thought about it for a moment, then grabbed his waist from behind and rested my chin on his shoulder. "What about cuddling, drinking tea, lighting a candle and listening to Christmas music?"

"It's not even near Christmas, Lou."

"I know, I know, but I love Christmas so much." I smiled stupidly.

"I imagined our first Christmas together so beautiful, Haz. With snow and ice skating and Christmas markets with children's choirs, where we stop and listen to them singing blissfully and everything would be perfect. Harmonious and golden. We would decorate the Christmas tree and on Christmas Eve we would sit with Félicité in the living room in the middle of the tinsel and wait for Mark to dress up as Santa Claus and bring in the presents. It would be so magical. And..." I giggled boyishly, covering my mouth with both my palms.

"And I'd love to kiss you underneath a mistletoe with All I Want for Christmas playing in the background... I know, it sounds..."

"No Loubear, it sounds wonderful."

He turned around and I thought he'd lean in for a kiss, but he just hugged me, as tight as possible, hiding his face in the sleeve of my hoodie.

"Okay, Lou, let's find a Christmas playlist and cuddle on the couch. I'll make the tea and you search for some candles, yeah?"

It was the best start to the day that I could have imagined.

Harry sat on the sofa, the teacup in his hand, my head in his lap and every now and then he changed the hand in which he was holding the cup to put the warm palm on my cheek because I was feeling cold. It smelled of melted wax and I closed my eyes for a moment when I opened them again, we were no longer alone in the room. Niall sat next to Harry, Zayn in the armchair opposite and Gigi on his lap. She looked tearful and the rest of my friends didn't seem happy either.

There were still faint chimes and when I looked at the clock, I was a little shocked that it was already three o'clock in the afternoon.

"Hey, Boo." Harry was the first one to notice that I was awake.

"Slept well, mate?" Niall asked and patted my shoulder encouragingly.

"Yeah, thanks." I answered a little confused by the depressed mood that was in the air.

"What is going on in here guys?" I couldn't take that atmosphere in the room.

"Lou, I told them... I'm sorry, if you wanted to do that on your own, I didn't want to wake you up and I wasn't able to keep it for myself, I'm so sorry." Harry blurted out and was obviously feeling kind of guilty.

"Oh, it's alright, bubs." I whispered, because it definitively was. I wouldn't have known how to say it anyway and now it was out and a huge burden had fallen from me

I sat up when I saw Gigi walking towards me. She stopped, looked at me, smacked me on the cheek and closed me into a shaky hug.

"Ah, what was that for?" I asked outraged.

"For daring to leave us, my favourite dumbass. You can't do that. Who am I supposed to call at two a.m. to get me a pizza when I'm on my period?"

She sobbed and I stroked her back. Not a word passed my lips. What should I have said?

At some point the petite girl seemed to have calmed down a bit. She broke the hug apart and gave me a painful look, then she sat down on the arm of the armchair without a word and made room for Zayn, who only closed me in his muscular arms briefly.

I knew him enough to know that there was grief behind the facade he put on, but Zayn had the ability not to let it break out. He was cool.

"Guess we need to enjoy the time we have left, huh?" The blonde lad asked. He would come to me later when there weren't so many people around. He would cry, even if he put a smile on his face right in that moment.

"Yeah... tell me something guys." I answered and really wanted to lighten the mood.

"El and Dewiat aren't a couple anymore." Zayn interjected casually. "She was asking for you Louis, but you blocked her number, she told me, that she called you a thousand times already."

"Of course, now that Dewiat is gone, I'm her bestie again, what? She's so fake!"

"Don't get upset, honey, she's not worth it." Harry said something for the first time in a while.

"Really, you have other worries right now." Niall agreed.

I just nodded. "So, let's distract ourselves, yeah?"

They all agreed and so we found ourselves a good half hour later in the forest, walking. Harry and I hand in hand, Zayn had an arm around Gigi's shoulder and Niall... Niall was there, as well. He seemed really not to care about being the only one without a partner.

"Harry?" I whispered into my boyfriend's ear at some point.

"Hm?"

"I would like to be buried in a forest. A forest cemetery. Preferably in winter when everything is white. I don't want you to wear anything black. I don't want you to grieve in the dark."

He swallowed thickly and looked down. he had promised not to cry

-

"I'm cold guys." Gigi nagged after a while. "Let's go home."

I agreed with her, it wasn't icy, but cold enough to be able to see one's own breath.

"And then?"

"We could bake Christmas cookies." Harry suggested and earned irritated looks.

I just smiled and squeezed his hand.

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