Luxsoka-The Things we don't Say

I want more

                                                                                         Lux 

His soft thin lips braced against mine, his musky yet cozy scent filled my nostrils, as his grasp didn't let go, but I didn't either. 

The touch of his lips felt as if addiction was starting, an addiction that from that very moment I would never get out of, as I felt his cheek brush against mine. 

My fingers twined their up to his brown hair, the touch soft, so soft, luscious, like the pink lips that pressed on mine, like the very lips that I wanted more of. 

He kissed me, and my whole body filled with a chill, as I felt my whole self tremble, but my brain, my heart it pumped so fast, it wanted more, it wanted this. 

I thought he was going to kill me, I mean, after all, he did slam me against a wall with a blaster in hand. Lux Bonteri, always trying to be a threatening man, like when he basically kidnapped me those years ago. 

But then, it didn't seem like the act was for me, it wasn't more, it was for the one's watching. I was smart enough to figure out that there were cameras watching me every second as I felt myself going more and more insane.

I felt weak in the knees,  I felt weak all over. At this moment he was mine. He wasn't another girl's, he wasn't the empire. His eyes squeezed shut, the blaster dropped to the ground as his hands trembled uncontrollably. 

When he let go, when we gasped for breath, I saw the grin come upon his lips, I saw the smile that hide behind the mask he wore, but something still wasn't right. My mind wasn't right. 

I pushed forwards with little might and with that only that he fell to the ground as I pinned him, my legs keeping him down, as his head hit the floor, my hands reaching for his neck. 

"What was that huh!? Are you Empire or not Bonteri!? STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME! I HATE IT! AND I HATE YOU!" I screamed at him as this laugh that I didn't want to come out of me, as if I had no control, but I didn't feel like laughing, I didn't feel like pinning him, something still wasn't right, whatever he did for me, whatever those past days of torture did, maybe it was the brain worms, or the light or sound torture I don't know. 

"Ahsoka," He gasped out hoarsely as his hand attempted to bet on my arm as I squeezed his thin paper-like neck. 

"YOU DESERVE TO DIE! YOU DESERVE TO BE MURDERED! TO LIVE A LIFELONG PAIN THAT YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE!" I shouted again, as my head tilted up towards the ceiling, as this person, this thing took control of me, as the real me, as who I was Ahsoka Tano drifted away and was locked in a heavy cage within myself. 

"Please- stop- I just- I'm- sorry," he struggled to breathe as his pale skin began to turn a dark shade of purple, his eyes lids growing heavy, and I couldn't gain control, I couldn't make the things stop hurting him. 

I pressed my fingers harder into his neck, harder into the bones that seemed to move under the pressure, as I just wanted to drive, to drive further and further into that skin, that skin that when it touched me made me feel so good. 

"I-I," I felt something inside me ping, as my head went light, as my grip only tightened as his eyes began to roll back. "I hate you-" 

That was the end of it. 

That was it before the world turned black. 

Maybe this was a nightmare, hopefully, this was a nightmare. 

Ah yes, you called it, it wasn't just a dream. 

My eyes fluttered opened and the surroundings were just blurred colors, blurred colors, then blurred shapes, blurred with every blink until everything tried to come into detail.