Luxsoka-The Things we don't Say

There is a game

                                                                                Ahsoka 

"Tell me, why do you hate me?" His voice broke out in dryness as my feet pressed against the wall, my back lying on the floor as my eyes traced over the top of the prism. 

They hadn't let us out, it had been, well I wasn't sure long and we were still there, in silence, fearing one another, yet he hadn't moved. 

"I don't hate you, Lux." I breathed out as I could imagine his innocent-looking eyes, on his stone-cold face. 

"You said you did, you yelled it multiple times." His voice, he wanted to yell at me, he wanted to scream I could hear it, but he didn't. 

"I don't know what happened, something-something broke-"

"I mean, I did torture you-" There was a hint of laughter in his voice as I rolled my eye playfully. 

"I'm sorry, but it did, well it made me feel insane like nothing was stable like I wasn't-" 

"I'm sorry-" He apologized, and that, that I wasn't expecting. 

"I'm sorry for, almost killing you- I guess we have more things to hang over each other's heads." I joked as I knew he held some pride within him from making me break. "Maybe-" I started but I stopped as my eyes picked up to look at in. 

"What? Maybe what?" After a brief silence his eyes shot back towards me, and I honestly wasn't sure if he wanted to know or he just didn't like the silence of the cage. 

"Maybe it wasn't just the torture." I shook my head as I let my hand fall, a sharp breath ceasing out into the air. 

"Don't say that-" 

"Why would you care?" 

"I do care-"

"But you shouldn't!" I yelled out as I rolled over to lay my back against the wall. "You're part of the empire you shouldn't care about me, you should be glad that you're torture worked, even though you never really were clear on what you wanted from me- maybe for next time should try to be more specific?" I shrugged as my voice went still. 

"I don't think it worked anyways- you're the one who tried to murder me-"

"You're the one who-" I stopped as I felt an uneasiness rise within me, as I felt my body grow to an unstable feeling. 

"Who what?" His eyes looked empty as if he didn't know, as if he was lying, or he simply forgot. Like it was all just his game. 

"Who's loyal to the empire-" I changed it as I tapped my fingers against my knee, my eyes straying away from him, for I couldn't handle it just to look at him still. 

"Says the Jedi." His eyes rolled with a sigh as his arms wrapped around his knees which he held close to his chest. 

I fell silent as I felt as if I was slipping away, he wasn't listening to me he wouldn't, he didn't even care that I fell silent, unaware of everything he doesn't know. I wasn't going to say anything, I didn't feel like explaining or confessing. 

For all I could care I was fine with being locked in the prism, I was safe at least, not going through the struggles of life, or credit problems, or being robbed. Why was being held prisoner easier than the life I was living? Because of the enforcement of the empire, because of how much I have to make sure I stay hidden. 

"So, how come you haven't killed me yet? Because you need me as a tool?" I raised my expression as I leaned into one of the three corners. 

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not stupid. it was either kill me or use me as a murder weapon." 

"I never said you were stupid." His eyes gleamed sad for a moment as he shifted against the wall his hands playing with the other. "How come we can't talk to each other like we used to?" 

"Because we aren't the same, Lux. Look at you, and your life, and look at me, and my life." I sighed as I stood up, placed my face in the crease of the corner, the sound of his shifting chains behind me. 

"Hey!" He called out to me as I let my hands flatten on the clear unbreakable glass, the air in the room feeling thicker. 

"yeah?" I called out as I held my eyes closed. 

"Will you turn around?" 

I turned around, to see him standing, his frame still thin and tiny. 

"Yeah?" 

"Ahsoka-" 

"Please don't look at me like that." I saw the look in his eyes, that deep look as he tried to search my soul, as he tried to find the look he used to give me years ago. 

"How come you survived?" he took a small step forwards as I looked back towards him, his hand digging into the pocket of his black pants. 

"What?" I braced towards him. 

"How come- you survived order 66, how come you the so loyal Jedi, got to survive when thousands of other people didn't!? When people who weren't even Jedi's died in the crossfire- how come- you- you- you didn't deserve to-" He stepped forwards to face him, his hand squeezing around my neck, as his eyes swept with tears that stream down his face with every yell, his vein becoming visible in his neck. 

"YOU DIDN'T DESERVE TO LIVE!" He yelled at the top of his lungs as he quivered back, as my body fell to the ground once he had let go of my neck, only to turn back to the wall, pacing. He drove his trembling fingers through his hair as I could see his tears, the skin of his face flushing. 

"I wish I didn't." I began as I crawled back to the corner. "I wish I didn't survive, and you're right, I didn't deserve to live, when other's could have- when the younglings-" I stopped myself short as I pressed my forehead into my knees. "You're right, Lux." 

May the Force be with you <3