Luxsoka-The Things we don't Say

Life in the beyond

                                                                                     Lux 

"Hey." She whispered out onto my cheek as her soft brown lips pressed against mine in the morning sun.

"Ahsoka?" I questioned for a minute as the sun sparkled on her blue eyes as she slipped on a pair of boots to start the day, seeming that she had begun to get ready while I was asleep.

"Yes?" She stopped as she turned to look at me.

"Did you sleep last night?" I wondered curiously as I saw the blankets that were set up for her on the floor were still set up nicely.

"No-" Her voice went worried for a minute and right when I was going to speak she jumped up. "I cleaned for you instead? I'm sorry if you didn't want me to, I just- I couldn't sleep and I probably shouldn't wander the halls, and I needed to do something_"

"Ahsoka!" I talked louder to get her attention as she nervously rambled on. "It's ok, I just didn't ever feel like cleaning it hahaha, and hey, if you can't sleep you know you can wake me up, maybe we can talk about stuff or- find something to do?" I shrugged as she rolled up her stuff into a neat pile.

She nodded to me before she walked to the other side of the room.

"And Ahsoka?" I called outa gain as I stumbled out of bed. "You don't have to keep everything so neat, or be formal," I told her gently as she stopped to look at her surroundings for a minute.

"Is- is it ok if I do, just to-?"

"You can. If it helps Ahsoka it's ok." I grabbed her hand suddenly as her eyes looked weary, for she looked restless, and I just wished I wished I could help her, and I wanted to.

I-loved her.

I still did.

After all this time. 

"Sometimes I still forget-" She blinked slowly as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Forget what?"

"Forget that I'm not where I am, that I'm not a Jedi, that Anakin isn't here, that the war never 'ended, that order 66 never happened, and then I remember everything all over again-" she sat down on the chair lightly as I looked sincerely into her deep blue eyes.

"It's ok to forget, I do it too. Sometimes I get so in denial, I wake up and I completely forget I'm here in the empire and then I remember and I can't find it within myself to accept that it's true." I spoke softly as I sat by her side, her fingers brushing gently through my tangled hair. "Ahsoka, what happened, before everything? You say you aren't a Jedi you hate them, and just, what happened?" I didn't stare at her, for I didn't want to make her feel any more uncomfortable than she must have felt, and I suspected her to push it away but she didn't, instead, she looked at me with strong eyes.

"There was a bombing at the temple, and Anakin and I were investigating it, but son the evidence just lead up to me, and even though I was innocent no one truly believed me but him, and in my trial, I was cast out of the order, and at the case, they were going to decide to basically send me to the citadel where I probably would have gotten a death penalty, but it turned out, my only other friend in the order, she was a sith, and she- set me up. Then, the order came to me and tried to cover up their distrust for me by saying it was my great trial, by saying that it was the will of the force, and I left. I left because I realized everything, how bleak the order was, and how many lies were filled within it. During the whole situation they never really cared if I was innocent or not, they only saw that the public thought I was guilty, therefore, they wouldn't have it any other way." Ahsoka explained to me, but her eyes didn't fill with tears.

"Ahsoka- I'm sorry. You know you could have come to me if you wanted to." I put it out there as I gently grabbed her hand.

"I thought about it but I thought you wouldn't want to see me- because of - Steela." She whispered as her head hung a little low.

"Hey, I would have loved to see Ahsoka, and what happened with Steel a was not your fault, that was years ago, it wasn't your fault, really. And I, made mistakes then too, I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have played with the both of you like that." I gulped as I watched her eyes nervously.

"Lux?" She wondered out as her eyes stared off into the far distance.

"Yes 'Soka?"

"Will you hold me?"

"Always." 

There is life beyond this, there has to be. I know there is a life beyond suffering and pain and misery. There has to be a life beyond the empire, beyond pretending and being forced to be someone you're not. 

There is a life beyond this. 

A life of love, a life of happiness. 

I want to show her that world. 

She is my world beyond. 

I can only hope that I am her's too. 

May the Force be with you <3