nothing without you

44-Results of my Trauma

There are many results of my trauma, these are just a few.
- I have been getting nightmares more often and have gotten less sleep
- I am seeing Katy, my therapist, more often
- My friends have been sleeping over and helping me through this all
- The police are trying to track my rapist (it still feels weird saying that) it seems he knew what was going to happen and left wherever he was before
- I had a talk with Aiden and now he understands the timeline of when all this happened
- Ashton has been the absolute perfect boyfriend through all of this

That's basically been the entire events of my past week.

I haven't seen Ashton in two days because he's been busy with family stuff. I told him he has to come over this afternoon though because I miss him. His rare smile, his beautiful eyes, his witty remarks.

I'm in my room doing work, trying to catch up on school work that I've been falling behind on. I can't seem to concentrate.

I hear a knock at my bedroom door and yell come in. I see Ashton walk in. I'm confused as to why he knocked but I tap the spot on the bed beside me. He stiffens.

"I um, have something to tell you." He sounds closed off, like the bitch he was when we first met.

"Yeah of course, you can tell me anything." I stand up off of my bed, starting to get concerned as he doesn't make eye contact.

"I don't think this is working."

"What isn't working?" I don't think I'm getting his meaning.

"Us. This relationship. I don't think I was ever supposed to be in this kind of relationship. It's not going to end well and I'm ending it now before it gets worse.." He still refuses to make eye contact with me. I'm rendered speechless by this proclamation.

I feel a tear fall down my cheek, against my will.

I know that I have a lot of luggage but I thought Ashton understood that. I thought he was going to be with me no matter what.

This can't be happened.

I simply don't believe it.

"Well I should go." He starts turning around and I don't let him get far. It has sunk in what's happening and I grab his shoulder, spinning him around and standing in front of him.

"You don't get to just leave without giving me an explanation. There are two people here, it's not just you." I put on a mask of anger when really it's just sadness. He doesn't need to know that.

"I do not want to date you." He states these words, pronouncing each syllable clearly as if I'm a three year old.

He turns to leave again and I just let him.

I stand in the exact same position, my heart racing for I don't know how long until I collapse into a pile of tears. And snot. Lots of snot.

Nothing makes sense. None of it.

One part was clear, he doesn't want to be with me.

It's over.

The words that I have already known finally sink in.

Ashton Rivera is my ex-boyfriend.
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A/N: sorry guys I had to do it, I actually cut out most of the super hurtful parts (which is also why it's short) because it hurt me so much to write this but then again these ten chapters have been ones I've been planning from the very beginning.

This is unedited :)

kisses 💋
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