TWD ~ Daryl + Reader ~

A Touching Moment

You have never watched anyone have to talk up to an electrocution chair, but if they are human at all they would be as scared as you just walking into your bedroom to have this talk with Daryl.

There have been instances where you have been this scared in life, but those instances were when your pops would yell at you to go to him or rather when he calmly told you to go to him. Even though you know this is not the same thing you can't help but compare the two. You're going to a room away from everyone, where you hope a man in your life won't be mad. You hope that you'll make it out without a scratch or another broken bone. But the most you pray for is that no fist will come your way. 

In truth, you don't think Daryl will raise a fist to you, but it wouldn't surprise you if he broke something in your room. He's bound to be pissed and blame you for everything and anything. 

Your room door is only a few steps in front of you and the truth coming out is only a few steps after that. You get right in front of your door and just stare at the handle for a second. When you open the door and walk through Daryl is close behind you and follows you to your bed. 

He's ready to listen and be your rock for you to lean on. It's too bad you're going to break him more.

Daryl sits on your bed a little ways away from you, with his elbows on his knees and his hands together. "A'ight, we're here, now tell me."

"I-" You grip onto your right index finger. "-I don't-" You start to twist it as far as you can. "-I don't know how to-" Your words halt as you feel Daryl's right hand rest upon yours, trying to keep you from breaking your finger again.

"Just tell me (Y/N), don't think just speak." He gives you a reassuring look, but you know that look will vanish and his hand will move quickly away from yours when you tell him.

You move your hands around and hold his right hand in both of yours, rubbing your thumbs on his hands as more tears fill your eyes. 'How do I tell him this?' You hold your tears back with a quick breath. 'Just tell him everything.'

"I, uh," you sniffle a little, "I went to the Sanctuary to keep Negan from coming here and-"

"I know that, (Y/N)-" He says with a cautious glance.

"Just-" you sniffle again and keep your eyes focused on Daryl's hand-"Just let me tell you this my way, okay?"

Just from that, Daryl knows what you're about to tell him is going to be bad. Whether bad for him or bad for you, he won't know until you speak. "A'right."

"Thank you." You quickly wipe a tear with your right hand. "I went to the Sanctuary to keep Negan from coming here. To keep Maggie safe, and Sasha, and everyone here safe. And I thought everything would be alright when I went there because my brother is the one that took me, but I was so wrong." You wipe another tear. "From the moment I got there everything was wrong. I was stared at by every person in that factory. I was kept in Negan's room the whole time. I got out of his room, only to see Emmett get killed." Another tear. "I had a panic attack while thinking about how everyone I know and love is going to die because of me. I traded Harlan so I could come back here." And another. "I tried to run away from my problems and life just this morning. I made my brother hate me all over again. And I realized that the world would be better off without me."

"That's not true-"

"You have no idea how true it is." You basically yell at him as you finally look up into his eyes with multiple tears running down your face. "You wanna know why it's so true?" You take a few breaths and wipe your tears. "In the midst of everything that happened there and everything I saw him do," You watch as Daryl's eyes grow wide. "I still ended up being vulnerable enough with him that when I had my panic attack I dry-humped him." Shock and disbelief fill Daryl's eyes as he takes his hand away from yours and looks at anything else but you. "In the moments of it happening I had no idea what I was doing and I'm still not sure what caused me to do it. Maybe it was because he was there and seemed to care or maybe it was my brain's way of coming back to reality but I don't know." Daryl's silence and lack of movement make you feel uneasy. "When I used to have really bad panic attacks I would hurt myself, pricking my finger was my brain's failsafe among other things."

You start to twist your right index finger again, especially with Daryl just sitting on your bed saying nothing and being basically motionless. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, you use your left hand to grab his scruffy chin and turn his head towards you. 

As a few tears roll down Daryl's face he looks into your eyes with darkened blues. "Do ya love him?" You're flabbergasted by the question. "Is that why ya did it? Is that why ya wanted to go there, to be with him?" Still in shock from the first question, you don't answer. "Am I just a means to an end? Are ya what everyone thinks ya are? Are ya actually workin' for him?" You watch another tear stream down his face. "Do ya love him, (Y/N)?" He raises his voice making you just a little. "Do ya love him goddammit?" His voice is even louder and you end up moving away from him. When he sees you move away his eyes turn soft and he moves towards you placing his hand on yours, his head hanging. "Just tell me, please." 

You watch as tears fall from his face and onto your bed. You move both of your hands to his face. "I could never love him." You lift his face up so hopefully he'll look at you. "I love you and I always will, even if you hate me after this, even if you wish to never see me again. Because from the moment after I realized what happened I wanted to tell you and be honest with you about this giant panicked mistake. I wanted you to know that I'm a mess from it and it hurts me that I hurt you. I wanted you to know that I would never ever do anything to hurt you. I just-" Tears stream down your face once more and there's no stopping them.

Through your tears, you see his crystal blue eyes open and look at you, they are red with tears and still tearing up, but they are the eyes you love. 

"I love ya too." He breathes out as more tears roll down his face and fall onto your bed. "And I believe ya." He sits up fully making your hands drop from his face. "But Imma not too sure if I trust ya. So, for the time bein', you and I are gonna be attached unless I say otherwise. Got it?"

You nod. "Yes, whatever you want." 

You watch his every move, from him standing up from your bed to him wiping his face. "I gotta go talk to Jesus."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"You just stay here, I'll be back in a little while." He says quickly and leaves.

Daryl leaves your room and thinks through everything you said. Everything you said does make sense with everything he knows about you. He has seen you have at least two panic attacks and without an outlet, you broke your finger, the only difference is for that panic attack a clothed Negan was your outlet. 

Either way, you weren't in the correct state of mind to control your actions, the supply run you went on together showed him that your brain sometimes has you do things even you don't realize are actually happening. Not to mention that you were playing a role while you were at the Sanctuary, you had to act as though the only man for you was Negan. 

Daryl's last thought as he gets to the end of the stairs is about how he's going to kill Negan at the end of this anyways and both of you will be happy with that end result.

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~A/N~

I know there might be some mixed feelings about this chapter and different thoughts of how Daryl should've reacted. So, please feel free to express them in the comments.

As always thank you for reading and don't forget to comment and vote for the chapter.

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