Risk Taker - Minho | The Maze Runner

13. Experiment

TW- Mentions of suicide.

'You promised me Newt. You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid.' She whispered, holding his hand as he lay still, avoiding any tears from falling.

'You promised to care.' He replied, no emotion in his voice, coarse from crying, from screaming, his lungs had been trapped and his mind weaved in these unspoken thoughts. 

She didn't really deserve his forgiveness, nor Nick's. It was her fault after all- trying but not hard enough, it's what caused her to lose one and nearly completely lose the other one. 

Where she once welcomed loneliness, emptiness stills, making its way into her heart. Where comfortable silence once sat, loud screams and blames tormented her daily, where once she refrained herself from jumping over the edge- there was nothing holding her back now.

She refused to speak to anyone, Alby had become leader of the glade now and had so desperately trying to maintain order, attempting to get things back to how they were before she tried to intervene. She didn't make any attempts to speak to Ben or to Minho and they didn't make attempts to speak to her either, I guess Ben eventually gave up as she stopped responding, and Minho simply made it clear what he wanted. 

Ever since she's arrived there has been nothing but hope built on a false note she left... well, maybe not false, but it still led them no where, she destroyed their hope, their leader, their friend. She's gotten into arguments with everyone, her closest friends- with him, and their relationship, friendship, hasn't been the same.

So she contemplates listening to him. They have the note, they have everything she brought and contributed to escaping, she was sure they'll be fine without her. Maybe it's time for her to listen to her mind. Finally give in to her need to feel something more than sadness. She wants to fear for her life again.

Tik. Tik. Tik. Tik.

Right now, right in this specific moment she was lonelier than ever. Standing over the edge of the pit, balancing with one foot over the edge and bending down with her arms stretched out before taking another step forwards. Daring the chilling air to give her the final push, to blow away the tiny shatters of her heart. The hairs on her arms spiking up with every tick of the clock

She wasn't even this lonely when she first arrived, that time she had sat by the bonfire watching everyone dancing and cheering, not even the time she had spent with something missing- her memories of her real first arrival, nothing compared to this time of loneliness.

Yes, she was strong but watching a friend get shredded in half and watching a best-friend want to die, as well as losing your number one person takes a toll on you like no other thing possibly could. All in a span of week or so. 

For a moment she agreed on walking back to the glade, to stop being stupid- not to go that far, playing with time and playing with the grievers for a night are far different- and theres nothing she's got that would allow 100% chance of her surviving. It was foolish.

But upon reaching the point where all she needed to do was turn left, to see the glade again she stopped. She stopped to listen, to check if anyone was waiting for her, but it was silent. Not a single person was talking, she wouldn't be surprised if they had grown tired of waiting by the walls for her, after all she always returned. 

And that's all it took to decide. They don't need her to escape, and she was fine with that. Yes, it would be another loss for the glade if she didn't make it through the night but she's only been here a few months- they should get over it. They'll escape without her stirring anything up. Some sacrifices are worth being made, and if she wants to find a purpose for this place, a reason to stay, something to fear, staying in the glade over night is exactly what is needed.