Our Paths Cross

Twenty-Five

Jennie

Everything is getting worse.

I am feeling worse.

We are getting worse.

Lisa and I are sleeping separately. We barely talk, hang out, or even listen to each other. We continued our lives like we don't know each other.

It hurts me to the bone. It hurts me to see us like this. Both of us afraid to speak, afraid that it will turn into an argument leaving one of us running away. And I can't bare seeing Lisa walking away again. But at the same time it hurts me seeing her this way.

There were times that we are just passing each other, can't even say hi. Happiness gone, affection gone. We're living on the same roof but living with different lives.

I tried to be as ok as I can. Attending to work like everything is fine. But when I come home alone, that's when I break down. The pain keeps repeating and repeating. It's tiring, it's suffocating. I wish it can be stop. I wanted it to stop. I don't know if I can take this anymore.

The pain is excruciating, the loneliness is suffocating. I feel like there is nowhere to run. Jisoo and Rosie were out of the country, arranging the final requirements for their wedding. I can't even talk about my problems with Jisoo anymore. Everything is bottled up under my throat.

Where is the 'we talk first before anything'?

I miss her. I misses her everyday even though it hurts.

There were times when I feel like this is our over. This is our end. But I can't.

I can't live without her. Even though it hurts.

We are almost there. But almost is never enough.

~

Lisa walked inside the house with the camera bags on her shoulder and stacks of papers on her hands. Her eyes looks so tired, the eyebags scream there isn't enough sleep for her. Working, and then rushing to the hospital to watch Aunt Celine.

Sometimes I am thinking, why did they came into our lives. Is it bad to think it that way? Is it bad to think it so we can turn back time and pretend everything is alright?

I sat on the kitchen stool drinking my coffee when I decided to talk to her. This has to stop. I can't take another day like this.

"Lisa." I called.

Lisa stood from the couch ready to ignore me again. "Jennie not now, I am tired." The name slices my heart into half. But I have to try.

"And so am I. Lisa aren't you tired if this set up? Ignoring and ignoring me?" She continued to walk away but I grab her wrist tightly pulling her back to me. "How long can you keep ignoring me? Because I can't take it anymore Lisa. This is too much. This is beyond too much."

"I'm not having this conversation with you right now. And we'll end up biting each others asses again. I'm really tired Jennie." She yank her hand back to her said and walk again.

"Then so be it!" I yelled, stopping her from her tracks. "Let's bite each other so this is over once and for all! We can't keep ignoring each other like we don't know each other. This is so fucked up Lisa!"