𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐊𝐄━︎━︎ Marvel ✓︎

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐢𝐧𝐞

CHAPTER NINE:
❝︎Last String Of Control❞︎

REGRET. FEAR. GUILT. PAIN. She felt all of it all at once. Walking away from Natasha, the tears rolling down her cheeks even though she kept a hand over her mouth to keep the sobs from escaping her lips and making concerned glances be thrown her way. She wouldn't let anyone pity her. Hell, she didn't think anyone would look at her anyways. Because she knew what they were feeling. They were feeling the same thing that she was, and that made it hurt even more.

Her heart slammed in her chest, running to her room without actually running. She forced herself to wipe away her tears, to take a deep breath and offer a weary smile to anyone that made eye contact with her. She almost fell apart on the elevator that was taking her to the floor in which her room was on, but she forced herself to hold it together. She couldn't let anyone see her like this. She clenched her jaw, lifting her chin up so that no one could see the tear streaks that stained her face, and made a quick walk to her room.

As soon as she turned that door knob pushing open the door and pulling herself inside, she fell to her knees. A cry of agony left her lips, and curses left her mouth as her anger took over and she was throwing things across the room. She wasn't okay. If anything, Raelynn Quinn was broken. She was destroyed. She saw herself as a monster that didn't deserve the life that had been granted to her. And she just wanted everything to stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Why couldn't everything just stop?

Raelynn's heart was slamming violently in her chest. Her head was pounding violently, as if something inside her mind was taking a hammer to her skull and trying to break free. And maybe something was trying to break free. Maybe that creature that everyone but her saw had finally had enough of being locked in its cage when her eyes were awake and wanted full freedom. She wouldn't be surprised. Hell, she wouldn't be surprised if she was too weak to stop such a thing from happening. It was this moment when she realized something―︎she had finally hit rock bottom.

The blonde haired woman wanted to curl into a ball, hide from all of humanity, and never speak to anyone or leave her given room ever again. Was that too much of her to ask? Maybe. But she didn't care. She couldn't hurt anyone else. She wouldn't be able to live with herself if someone else died at her hands. She couldn't even live with herself now―︎she hadn't been able to look at herself in a mirror without feeling disgust and remembering everything that she had done since the murder of her parents. A murder that had happened at her hands.

She couldn't move. It felt like her body had been glued to the floor as soon as she fell to her knees, crying and praying that Willow was going to be alright. The desire to do anything simply fled her body. She should be placed in a cell for her crimes. Raelynn knew that she was dangerous. She knew that they were scared to tell her that, but it wasn't a secret. She had known as soon as she got her powers that she was dangerous. Something her parents had tried to deny, and now they were dead. And Willow practically was too.

It was the look on Natasha's face that had finally broke that last string of control. That last string that was keeping her in control of her emotions. She knew that the assassin didn't show emotion often. Something that had been screwed into her brain when she was still at the Red Room. But when Raelynn saw her standing there, looking through the glass at her unconscious girlfriend, she could see the fear that lingered in her green eyes. The fear of not knowing whether or not Willow was going to wake up. The fear of not knowing whether or not she would have someone to love by the time morning arose.

Raelynn couldn't practically feel the heartbreak and anger radiating from the red head woman. She wondered if Natasha truly understood, she wondered if Natasha had simply said what she said so that Raelynn would walk away and leave her alone. She wouldn't be surprised if Natasha was angry with her. She should be. She had almost killed her girlfriend, and that wasn't something you forgave easily. And yet, when she spoke those words, Raelynn could tell that Natasha didn't blame her for what had happened. Because she understood that it had been out of Raelynn's control.

It took her a few minutes, but the blonde finally managed to control her anger and emotions and pushed herself up from the ground. She stood there, turning her head as she looked around at the mess that she had created. She had had a streak of anger when she was kid, her mother claiming she had gotten it from her father even though she had never once seen her father raise his voice unless he absolutely had to. It got to the point that whenever she got angry and lashed out, she simply blamed it on the thing living inside of her dreams.

She swallowed thickly, closing her eyes for a moment to regain herself, to control her emotions and raging heartbeat, before she deeply inhaled and opened her eyes once more. She was quick to pull her blonde hair up into a messy low pony tail before she started to clean up the mess that she made―︎seeing as it was the only mess that she truly had control over as of right now.