You Are The Reason

14

Kerry

He was sweet and caring for the whole week. I couldn't deny that I liked him more than I did before. My feelings were jumbled for him but I liked that he was willing to take things at a snail's pace for me. Throughout the week, Noah made me stay on bed rest and did everything by himself. My heart would melt at every little thing he would do for me. Like, kissing my forehead more than once in a day, changing my bandaid, cooking meals and insisting on feeding me with his bare hands. The gears in my head were turning, changing speed of my thoughts and putting the previous ones to a distance. Noah was affecting my brain cells really quick. I was getting attached to him fast.

Everytime he slept on the couch made me guilty. I wish I could let him sleep on the bed while I slept on the couch. Sharing would be intimate plus uncomfortable for me, so sharing was out of the picture.

I sighed. This was the second unfortunate week for me. I was still restricted to the bed, prohibited from walking around alot. Mom and Noah talked about God knows what and now I am even more bored than the bored person I am. A good thing was that I could read as many books as I wanted. I was currently reading Levanians 'World Beyond'.

The story is too good to be true. The credit goes to the author though. She is absolutely a genius at writing. I would rate that book 100 out of 10, if it was even possible. The descriptions are worth imagining, the layout is freakishly amazing. Every inch of the book is totally worth reading.

As I'm fangirling over a particular paragraph, my phone chimes with a new message. I frown and pick it up. The number is unknown.

Unknown: knock, knock!

My frown deepens but I reply anyway.

Me: whose there?

The unknown immediately replied within seconds.

Unknown: the one and only.

Me: the one and only, who?

Unknown: Noah! ;)

I smile. Me: cocky much?

He asked for my number while leaving. He said he had to go do some stuff he was assigned to. I felt bad because I felt like he was doing more for me rather than for himself.

Unknown: nah, just trying to bring that beautiful smile on ur face.

This guy just knows all the right words to say to make color appear on my cheeks. I'm grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt but I won't complain. Noah is growing on to me.

His stay at my apartment has shown me that I can actually rely on someone for once. Its not easy to trust, especially when it comes to a guy. However, Noah is someone I can deeply trust with my eyes closed. He has proved more than words can say.

Unknown: I'll be there in 10.

Me: ok

Unknown: Darla is also coming over.

This can't be really good if Mom is with him. I saved his name and put my phone down and continued reading with a frown. But my mind kept on drifting back to Mom's arrival. I haven't visited her for a while now. Mom will lecture me for good. And then she would further restrict me to another week in bed. I am so gonna get it.

When I almost gave up life, Darla entered mine and became my fairy god mother. She taught me all I needed to know. She was there when I cried myself to sleep in the dark and when there was thunder. Love, care, protection, food, clothes, all the other necessities would never have been possible without her. I called her Mom right after the day she begged me to. Yes, she was married with two children of her own yet she adopted me as hers. It wasn't out of pity but out of love, that's what she always reminded me. I hate staying away from her but it always feels like I'm intruding on her family, every time I visit. Darla is a nice woman. Her two daughters don't really like me around there so I've minimized my presence around them. But I don't blame them for not liking me, I mean, I am not even blood related. Darla thinks its because of my past, it kind of is though. Insecurity still hunts me.

I would have known a mother's love if mine was here but instead, I found a mother who considered me as their daughter and loved me like their own. Only she knows about me like nobody else. In times of injuries and sickness, she has been by my side even when her daughter's would try to keep me away. I never complained about them because I didn't want Darla to be disappointed in her daughters.

I was also put through between the battle of life and death. I should be feeling fortunate enough to be alive but I'm not. How is that possible? I've had a hard time on earth anyway. It all felt like regression.

But something changed. I found this unbreakable spot for Noah, who, somehow, has been mending up broken smiles, shaky laugh, pieces of my emotions, and I can't help but let him do it. His confessions pushed me out of my hiding spot. And I was slowly falling for him. But I was afraid that it could soon be called love.

There was a knock on the door. I eased my thoughts to the side and prepared for Noah and Mom. I mumbled a small 'come in'. The door opened and in came the both of them.

"You are in so much trouble, young lady." I winced at Darla's sharp tone.

Noah frowned.

"I–" I started but got cut off by Mom.

"Your excuses won't be necessary. You haven't been answering my calls and neither coming home. And... this young man is living here with you and you didn't tell your worried mother? I never expected this from you Kerry. And how many times have I told you to not wander in the deeper ends of Yule Shelter? It's dangerous. Something bad can happen in there. Why won't you listen to me, huh? Do you know how worried I have been? Do you know how I feel?"

When mom gets angry then she really gets hot headed. Her whole stance would look fierce and angry. And she sure is angry at me right now. She takes a step and a two and more closer to me. She wouldn't hit me, I know it. She would never hurt me, I know it. But I can't help but clutch the duvet tight. Flashes of my past flash before me and I try to blink them away.

Loud screams. Loud sirens. Loud people. Loud cries. Ambulances and police cars and fire trucks. Dead bodies sprawled around me. Metallic smell of blood everywhere. My blood stained clothes. Warm hands...

I lean closer to the touch that brought me out of my disturbing thoughts. My senses fill with pine trees and citrus. I rest my head on his chest and press myself even closer to him. Noah tightens his hold on me with one hand and the other one is placed infront of me like a shield.

"That's enough! She is scared and I can feel it." Noah says firmly.

"I'm ok." I whisper in his chest but he catches it.

"No you are not. Your heart is racing faster than it's normal speed. You weren't breathing properly like you almost had a panick attack."

I felt Noah land a small kiss on my temple while Mom watched us. My cheeks flamed like they were on fire. This was embarrassing and soothing at the same time.

"I just wanted to see if she was over her past. She isn't. She still gets scared when someone raises their voice on her. I'm sorry sweetheart."

I get out of Noah's arms and beckon my mother over. She takes the left side on the bed. I fling my arms around her and hug her. She laughs lightly and holds me back.

"I love you, my little girl."

I don't return those words. But Darla understood why. I spent the rest of the evening in my mother's arms.

...

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